I am sitting here
after another sleepless night
I don't know why
but it seems I have lost my sight
all that I do is wrong
for I can't see the right
If I wasn't soo strong
I'd have quit the fight
I'm wide awake
My chance of sleep is gone
haunted by the words
left unsaid for so long
but all I do
is write poem and song
all my thoughts
never leave my mind
around my heart
chains still bind
As of late
I can never unwind
My mind is groggy
Weary is my heart
it pains me
this time we spend apart
I have been for you
since the start
I'm always waking
I can never sleep
Thats the way it'll be
until the day
I am yours to keep
This almost makes me think of a rap song. I like it, though. Your rhyming is consistent overall, and none of the attempts make me cringe. You've got a flow going, and that's great.
However, your stanzas don't keep the same structure, and I would urge that you change that. I know finding more rhymes might be difficult, but what I think is that if you're going to rhyme in this way, you should have eight lines per each stanza to keep the same rhythm going along with your rhyme. It's simply a suggestion, of course.
It almost ends like a lullaby in the end. The top part is sad but stronger, but the end makes the narrator seem small and sad. Quite touching. Nice work.
Submission Name: Emotional Insomnia
