Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Until We Go Blinddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 836
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 498



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntil We Go Blinddots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I look at your face
    it's as though I looked at something incandescent,
    for when I turn my eyes and blink,
    I see an afterimage
    of your perfect face
    like I see after looking at a naked light bulb,
    but I rarely turn away.
    My eyes are glued to you
    and yours to me
    like stationary rays from airport beacons.
    I suppose that we'll stand here
    smiling and staring
    until we go blind.






    Submitted on 2004-06-24 04:30:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I feel like your poetry needs punctuationů I'm sorry if that would be cramping your particular style. I think some of the impact is lostů It makes it feel unfinished, to me. But I really like this piece, especially the ending. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-06-29 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      awww this is so cute! sounds like you got it real bad! hehe... i love the image of the face burnt into your retina like a lightbulb but then how you say you rarely look away... brilliant!
    | Posted on 2004-06-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the use of "something incandescent". "incandescent" always brings a smile because for me, it's not just about glowing, it's also about radiating happiness. i did go through a phase when i felt like that but that ended!
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like the two people are so enamored of each other that they are becoming lost in each other. Like deer caught in the headlights of each others eyes. I have been caught in a stare like that. Breathless and waiting...not wanting to speak and spoil the moment. But, alas, moments like these are so fleeting and rare, which is probably a good thing, or we'd get nothing done...
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      i could almost see spots before my eyes as i read this! those naked light bulbs can be brutal! lol! it is like an infatuation thing, and chances are you will go blind (metaphorically) and it will end as the infatuation settles down. or not! anyway, i liked the metaphor in this one about staring at each other until you go blind, 'cause i've been there! have a great day!
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      very well written i liked the imagry of the naked light bulbe. i also have to agree with sharky DONT just stand there, do something about it . good job lia
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      somepeople leave rather interesting comments...anyways...i like this...that last three lines i really like...the part about the naked lightbulb...is an interesting thought...well anyways i shouldnt comment on peoples stuff till ive had coffee lol...smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the aspect of connection and intimacy in theis write. It transcends the ordinary and makes a single moment in time stand out like a beacon in the darkness.

    Perhaps you can just stare at one another until prescription glasses are needed?
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      I like that very much, another great little love poem. very original. my favourite part was about the afterimage and the naked light bulb. very well written. nothing to criticize.
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      This condition is known as infatuation or "being in love". The condition cannot last for more than 2 years after marriage. Thereafter, if you really work hard at it, you may learn to love the other person, maybe, if you're really lucky, the other person may learn to love you as well. In the meantime, this is nice, but only animal mating instincts. Since we're not animals, its dangerous. Sermon ends...sorry.
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    15292

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry