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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Difference dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WonderfulComa
    ASL Info:    18MAl
    Elite Ratio:    5.66 - 75/59/29
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 858
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1175



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Difference dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You conception of pain is off in its foundations; you will never understand; at least to the fullest extent what life can throw into one's face.
    Your sheltered life that you have lead; the way that you treat humanity, as if the world should be handed to you, laced in ribbon and set with stain bows.
    You didnt have you childhood ripped and taken away from you, you weren't beat with chains or whatever was handy at the time,
    you weren't sexually abused when you were nine, and you surely didn't have to raise yourself form the time you were seven.
    My dear you can't wrap you ignorant little mind around the pain the life can cause. You can't see anyone's pain, because the clouds of your own mind are left to dim your sight toward the people that you claim to love.
    The time that i spend thinking only of myself is matched by the time that you spend thinking of other's well being and personal feelings, which equals a little under none.
    Now see that is the difference between you and me, I break through and leave it in the past, but you continue to feel sorry for yourself.




    Submitted on 2007-11-15 20:09:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey hun,

    I like what you changed it's a bit obvious on the non selfish part that you placed.

    "The time that i spend thinking only of myself is matched by the time that you spend thinking of other's well being and personal feelings, which equals a little under none."

    But it does add dimension, you still have a few spelling mistakes like you instead of your. Well there is not much i can say that i haven't said in my comment to you before this so beautiful job and thanks for telling me about your editing so i could check it out once more. You're still my Favorite poet

    all the love
    Nikki
    | Posted on 2008-01-18 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
      hey agian.

    Ok second one of your poems i commented on today so im on a roll. This poem...i really have no idea what to think of it. Like blu_kittin stated there are typos

    L.2 concepection= conception
    L.4 you life= your life
    L.6 you childhood= your childhood
    L.9 form= from
    L.11 the life= i think you ment that life
    Second to the last line
    tp= to

    i also thin you should change is to was in the last line. instead of
    when nothing is wrong to begin with
    to
    when nothing was wrong to begin with.

    i think it sounds better that way but that's just me.

    Now that that is over damn that took forever on the over all image of the poem to me is that you well you use pain alot. you should find other alt. for the word pain so you dont over use it to the point its repetative.

    also this sounds like a "mememememmeme all that is wrong with the world is with me not you" sort of thing. But i think that is because of the wording. if you used more imagnative words i think you could expound on what you have and make it better. So far it's as if the other person is a complete idiot. which you probably wanted BUT it also shows a selfishness in the main person who is speaking these.

    I also think you should better organize your thoughts and place them into stanzas. this poem is really good. the emotions are down pat its just the wording misspelling and other parts of this piece that when put together conteract each other. You have some good points on this though. i mean a lot of people can relate so that is good so far you have good reviews also so you know this isnt a bad pice i think you can make it work better and expand past the i hate you blah blah blah and then you can really turn this into a master piece.
    Great Job and such.

    all the love
    Nikki
    | Posted on 2008-01-16 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very good.....i understand completely what you are saying..but i find that it really doesn't matter what life you've led everyone gets depressed about something....the diffrence i see between is that you've been put through this and it has made you stronger and you are a better person and these other people don't really have anything to be sad or whatever about...but they do because they have nothing to learn from so they make something to learn from and that is just their way of becoming a stronger person for themselves.....it is very sad that this had to happen...but it is good that you know it won't stop you from living your life and you can go and and be whatever...and i doubt these other people who "complain" would be able to handle it or survive...you are a brave and strong person....best wishes

    ~taintedsmiles
    | Posted on 2007-11-16 00:00:00 | by taintedsmiles | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...there's a lot of rage here. I can only wonder who this is about, despite sort of knowing...

    you are good at getting your emotions across, and bringing the reader into how you feel, but there are a couple of typos, nothing to distracting, but i noticed them.

    hope all is well

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-11-15 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]


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