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Author: SlanderousLust
ASL Info:    21/Q/Four inches from you
Elite Ratio:    5.15 - 89 /137 /74
Words: 118
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1730
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 783



Description:


Moments ago I posted some bullshit angst freewrite, I've suddenly had the urge to write again.


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If you asked when,
I'd say I hadn't in months.

If you asked why,
I'd say that it's for the best.

If you asked where,
I'd say somewhere that I didn't need to be.

If you asked how,
I'd reply with a blank stare.

If you called me back,
I'd lie, paint you a beautiful portrait of who I want to be.

If you sent a message,
I'd play it cool and wait for the 'right' time to respond.

If you changed the past,
The outcome would be exactly the same.

If you kissed me,
I'd break your heart with an unheartfelt smile.

If you loved me,
I'd be loved.




Submitted on 2007-11-16 00:34:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  If you sent a message,
I'd play it cool and wait for the 'right' time to respond.

If you changed the past,
The outcome would be exactly the same.

If you kissed me,
I'd break your heart with an unheartfelt smile.

If you loved me,
I'd be loved.



This write resonates with the hopelessness of a terminally ill relationship; a comfortable place for the moment but nothing that could rightly be called home/happiness/fulfillment. And frankly, the last two lines are as apt a synopsis of such a relationship bout to die as any I've read in a very long time.

'If you loved me
I'd be happy
but I wouldn't
return the favor.'

Nicely done
Bill
| Posted on 2007-11-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  Christopher
Its been awhile since I talked with you and I can honestly say I miss it
In this write you really did an outstanding job
You left the reader wanting more and also left the reader a little perplexed because this write could be referring to so many different situations
This is just my opinion Christopher but if I were you I would consider changing the last line because it kind of wraps up this write to quick and brings it to a conclussion that dosent make to much sense
I stress that is just my opinion
This is your write and I would never tell someone how to write
Great Job
God Bless
Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let mne know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2007-11-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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