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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Leapdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SlanderousLust
    ASL Info:    21/Q/Four inches from you
    Elite Ratio:    5.15 - 89/137/74
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 149
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       Moments ago I posted some bullshit angst freewrite, I've suddenly had the urge to write again.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeapdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If you asked when,
    I'd say I hadn't in months.

    If you asked why,
    I'd say that it's for the best.

    If you asked where,
    I'd say somewhere that I didn't need to be.

    If you asked how,
    I'd reply with a blank stare.

    If you called me back,
    I'd lie, paint you a beautiful portrait of who I want to be.

    If you sent a message,
    I'd play it cool and wait for the 'right' time to respond.

    If you changed the past,
    The outcome would be exactly the same.

    If you kissed me,
    I'd break your heart with an unheartfelt smile.

    If you loved me,
    I'd be loved.




    Submitted on 2007-11-16 00:34:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      If you sent a message,
    I'd play it cool and wait for the 'right' time to respond.

    If you changed the past,
    The outcome would be exactly the same.

    If you kissed me,
    I'd break your heart with an unheartfelt smile.

    If you loved me,
    I'd be loved.



    This write resonates with the hopelessness of a terminally ill relationship; a comfortable place for the moment but nothing that could rightly be called home/happiness/fulfillment. And frankly, the last two lines are as apt a synopsis of such a relationship bout to die as any I've read in a very long time.

    'If you loved me
    I'd be happy
    but I wouldn't
    return the favor.'

    Nicely done
    Bill
    | Posted on 2007-11-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Christopher
    Its been awhile since I talked with you and I can honestly say I miss it
    In this write you really did an outstanding job
    You left the reader wanting more and also left the reader a little perplexed because this write could be referring to so many different situations
    This is just my opinion Christopher but if I were you I would consider changing the last line because it kind of wraps up this write to quick and brings it to a conclussion that dosent make to much sense
    I stress that is just my opinion
    This is your write and I would never tell someone how to write
    Great Job
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let mne know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-11-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]



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