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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cancerousdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whispered_chaos
    ASL Info:    15/f./cincinnati ohio
    Elite Ratio:    6.8 - 151/94/48
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 219
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1423



    Description:
       no it's not about cancer. well, it is if you want it to be...i really have no influence over your psyche.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCancerousdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Compromising clarity
    when the softness feels so sharp,
    shudder, sprawled-
    her limbs entangled,
    this torpid affair
    has left them mangled.
    Bites her tongue, metallic dust-
    acidic emotion slaughters lust.

    Spit and mud, saliva and dirt-
    her dull locks are matted
    tearstained and gray.
    Hopelessly tangled
    wiry, and twisted-
    eternally leeching her beauty away.

    The silence, blind within her smile-
    so elegant and lovely,
    strangled by her mystery-
    such a travesty to watch her hide.
    Oh, how she trembles,
    asleep in death, wavering,
    shaking, so fragile, her shell by my side.

    To touch her is heaven
    but to watch her is to fade-
    Nothing more but to grasp her,
    to possess her being,
    so unconscious, vulnerable...
    My inconsistent wish.

    The twitching of her eyelids-
    a paper lantern's ember,
    flickering, provacative,
    tempting me to steal her.

    Low and steady
    her breathing persists,
    such a struggle,
    she grasps for her soul-
    'Sieze her now!'
    as my demon insists,
    'Make captive her heart,
    and with it, you're whole.'




    Submitted on 2007-11-16 22:46:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
       This was very good. Sad as it is, my obsession with Harry Potter has leaked over into my critiques. It reminds me of Bellatrix, locked up in Azkaban. Who knows, myabe I'm insane. It also makes me think of a homeless girl who only wants to be love, but is constantly being screwed around with. Yeah...I'm insane. I really liked this.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2007-11-21 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. That was quite a piece.

    At first, it seems simple enough. Through some excellent writing (i might add), you are drawn into what you presume to be the story of a girl with some sort of disease, cancer perhaps?

    But of course it is not that simple, as then you bring yourself in.

    You see this fragile girl lying next to you, why would you ever hurt her? But then you describe how you wanted nothing more but to "grasp" her. Very good word choice. Gives a sort of dark intention to all this.

    And in the end, as it grows darker and darker, we finally get the true messsage. She is not the one with cancer; you yourself are the cancer. And you're trying to spare this girl from yourself, having some sort of conscience left, but the demon still pushes you along.

    Awesome piece, I really enjoyed it
    | Posted on 2007-11-17 00:00:00 | by Maybe | [ Reply to This ]
      eeeeeee writers block goes away away away
    i liked this a lot too. we both seem to have embraced rhyming some parts of our poems for the time being.
    anyway this was quite wonderful my favorite parts were
    "eternally leeching her beauty away." and
    "acidic emotion slaughters lust."
    thanks for your comment on the poem i finally wrote as well:)

    sue


    | Posted on 2007-11-17 00:00:00 | by SYnesthesiA_WaR | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I thought this write was about a dieng Friend or relative
    Then towards the end it became a little disturbing as it sounded like you were talking about someone being possessed by a so called demonor something
    Though I dont believe in Hell or demons this takes nothing away from the quality of the write
    This flows well and one can see this took soom deep thought to put together
    Great Write
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-11-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]



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