Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Remember Your Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ifwinterends
    ASL Info:    15/F/Dallas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 8/3/4
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Prose/Dark
    Total Views: 590
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 794



    Description:
       This is more of a 'what if' piece, however, it came very close to actually happening. I obsess daily over what could have happened if I hadn't reacted as I did...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Remember Your Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I remember your eyes, the way that they looked--at me, through me, through everything...as if you saw something that would immortalize you as your body would inevitably begin to decay. At first I saw only the blank glassy stare assumed by those whose blood ran impure, but as I saw the crimson pouring freely before me, I realized that this could not possibly be so. I could not watch. I clasped your hand, willing, pleading you to stay, but I averted my eyes all the same. With a flash of silver I realized it was done. I could see your face wrought with pain and defeat, your illustrious hair that had always been a symbol of your undying defiance lay fanned limply around your delicate face. And now as the weight of impurities of my own blood stifles those memories, I remember your eyes.




    Submitted on 2007-11-17 14:39:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem was very nice although I felt like you could have went alittle more into detail when you talked about how it ended... ya know?

    Good Job!
    | Posted on 2007-11-19 00:00:00 | by CaughtRedhanded | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    153039

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Carry written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    prison written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Records I written by Raphael
    untitled written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry