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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Epitome Impedimentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mandolin
    ASL Info:    10/15/89
    Elite Ratio:    5.4 - 131/145/85
    Words: 340
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 912
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2412



    Description:
       Not sure if this is anything meant, just words, half an idea, and sleepiness.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEpitome Impedimentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know that I am unlearned,
    stuttering.
    Youíve got your good intentions,
    well,
    thatís nice Ė nice Ė nice.
    Spell your soul out with belongings.
    Possessions, you are so careless Ė
    you leave a piece of you behind
    with everything you
    t-t-touch.
    Are you so reckless with your own soul
    that if the world around you were destroyed
    your identity would go up in flames?
    Touch upon this,
    If you were alone Ė lonely Ė lonesome,
    If you were abandoned,
    on you own,
    are you not still whole?



    Have compassion.
    Donít be a lover of cells and molecules.
    Donít make love to lifeless things
    for they will steal you
    eat you
    deaf-deaf-defeat you.
    And yet, youíre the one with the hunger,
    hungering for completeness.
    I know this much about you,
    youíre a stranger,
    but I can read you Ė
    because no matter what you say,
    you wear your self-worth on your back.
    On your face.
    No matter what you say,
    no matter how cold and guarded,
    you heart,
    stranger,
    is bleeding out on your
    s-s-sleeve.


    Won't you, will you believe me?
    Sometimes I think humanity has forgotten
    how to admit the truth.



    Love something lasting,
    Love someone lasting.
    Maybe you will find that this loyal friend
    has gone-long-strongly collecting
    the pieces of yourself you so recklessly lost.





    Treasures of mortality will never fill you.
    Donít lose yourself.
    Do you really think the kings and sultans were satisfied?
    Why do you think the reckless feral creature is self-satisfied,
    even as they may starve?
    Donít hunger for ancient fingerprints they lost.
    Push it away,
    take one love close,
    run with the warrior who will fight for their own good.
    Shame on princely wars in the name of courtiers.
    I wonít join a the hierarchy of history.
    I wonít compromise my self.
    Iíll love and live until my body cannot support life,
    I wonít stop living before then.
    How about you,
    St-st-stranger.
    You're bleeding life blood out that silken sleeve.




    Submitted on 2007-11-18 08:26:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I never thought I'd say this but, this piece is, for the lack of a better term, charming. It wears freakishness with pride and deliberately throws every extra toe, hyper-extending shoulder and useless appendage and creates something oddly beautiful. Very Baz Lutherman-ish, I think.



    or something like that.

    Anyway.

    I think that you should maintain these idiosyncracies because they give this piece a beating heart to hold out. It makes it alive and proud and no less unrelenting. It also works well with the message of the piece.

    It's funny because, sometimes people tend to do something for something else. But they get so caught up with what they are doing that they've completely forgotten what it's for. Like for example; I know of this father who was making a toy to make his son happy. But in the interest of trying to make it perfect, he has spent all his time in the workshop of this so-called toy. It came to a point where he would even push the attention of his kid away just so he would be able to concentrate. In the end, he had a perfect toy, but the relationship he had with his child was already too scarred for the kid to appreciate that toy.

    Well anyway...

    I did enjoy this piece. It has a good amount of tragedy mixed with the elements needed to overcome that tragedy.
    | Posted on 2007-11-19 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      an interesting poem,well i read through it a couple of times.i,m not sure if i understood it, but i think your trail of thoughts are interesting.maybe you are talking/thinking about how we humans surround ourselves with luxuries and we do not feel content without them.
    "Are you so reckless with your own soul
    that if the world around you were destroyed
    your identity would go up in flames?"
    the identity here could mean a house,maybe you are saying here people identify themselves more with luxury than with their inner selves,does luxury mean everything, can we not be content without it.you could also be talking about people who have sold their souls, to wall street or whatever.the ending is saying you cant take the accumulated earthly treasures with you, history shows that.i like the lines don,t fight because your country wants you to, but for your own rights.well that,s what i got out of your poem.much enjoyed
    take care
    tschŁŖ
    ger
    | Posted on 2007-11-18 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]


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