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    dots Submission Name: dead wrongdots

    Author: Cannablisjunkie
    ASL Info:    22/Male/Indianapolis, IN
    Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 77/147/87
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 580

       scratch pad 1

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    dotsdead wrongdots

    I hope you're wrong too, dead wrong with everything you do.

    Don't ever call back after I hang up, 'cause i'll never answer again, at least not for you.
    "Take our big picture. The bigger picture, into a higher consideration."

    It includes dabs of paint here and there.

    Lots of color everywhere
    making up most of you and smears of
    blue hues going into the sky that hide behind you, which then dries us to canvas like dew dries with the sooner rising sun defeating our moon.

    Submitted on 2007-11-20 13:30:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Your words do created quite a vivid scene, but I think your poem would do well with just a little more structure to it. Perhaps give it 2;3;2;3 approach, I think it would fit this poem.
    | Posted on 2007-11-20 00:00:00 | by Jakirina | [ Reply to This ]
      This would be much better as a prose piece. I can see it easily developing into a short story with a very very deep dialogue. It's so dramatic! It caught my attention and held it. That's a feat, trust me! lol! The words you put together change the connotation and create a sweetly painful scene. Very nice!
    | Posted on 2007-11-20 00:00:00 | by thesacredone | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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