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My Future


Author: lainie75
ASL Info:    30/f/uk
Elite Ratio:    3.83 - 276 /254 /32
Words: 21
Class/Type: Haiku /Serious
Total Views: 910
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 109



Description:


i have never tried haiku before and its probably wrong but hey no-ones perfect.
its about my future weight loss/lifestyle overhaul and that yes it will be tough but if i take one day at a time i will get there and be a stronger person mentally.


My Future



weight loss is my aim
gaining , strength along the way
wow , i made it through one day




Submitted on 2007-11-20 23:31:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I read your haiku here and then tried to rewrite it so that it struck more closely to the Japanese formula, which calls for a visually imaged scene or event tied to a season. I couldn't do it! And I don't suppose you tried to; because non Japanese poets have taken this so attractive verse-form to so many interesting places since translations came to the West about a hundred years ago.

This haiku is about passing personal time, not a season of Nature's year. And it looks inward, as haiku are supposed to do; but not through the Japanese style of a symbol from nature; instead, it directly states your situation just as very many Western free-verse poems do. Thus, you have translated haiku form and spirit freely into the "Romantic" tradition found in Western poetry. As haiku is most suited to do, you set up a situation here, and then commented feelingly about it in the last line.

I think you must have read some haiku and loved them; but I bet the "translation" to suit your own poetic needs was unconscious! You just up and made your own haiku. I think successfully!

That's the bit of critical examination that I felt you would be most interested to hear.

I am a raving haiku fan, and I hope you make hundreds more of them and I get to read some! Thank you ...

| Posted on 2008-09-17 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
  Pretty good haiku .
Thanks for sharing.
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2007-11-24 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]


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