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Can't Get Rid Of Me

Author: WhY-dO-yOu-CrY
ASL Info:    20/F/ConnUSA
Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 149 /111 /95
Words: 74
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 1411
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 462


Not my favorite..... I like it, but I'm stumped on why everyone likes it. Is it really that good??? ^_^

Can't Get Rid Of Me

We stand together,
We look straight ahead.
I see you,
You can't see me.

I look like nothing.
For I am that feeling
That haunts people,
And drives them to the end.

I am what I have come to know as home,
But people wish to get rid of me.
They try very hard,
But once you have me in your bones,

There are no goodbyes
only see you laters.

Submitted on 2007-11-21 11:51:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Pretty Kayla; your poem has "struck a nerve" in us all. That haunting feeling of the home we long for, that fantacy that faded away from childhood where the home was a warm safe haven and harbor where we would always be safe and cared for; when we became adults the fantacy faded into reality, and we "can never go home again".

| Posted on 2011-02-16 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  For all its patchiness I reckon this is one of the better things Ive read by you.

| Posted on 2009-05-30 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, it's a nice thought... but it could use a little more content. There are parts that are split that shouldn't be... hm, it's really... I dunno.

First it says that they're standing together and looking straight ahead, which could very easily imply that they're standing beside each other instead of in front of each other. And, then, it jumps on to them looking at each other, without proper explanation.

And, which feeling is it that this subject embodies that pushes people to the end? There are many such feelings.

Are they trying to get rid of you because you're a bad feeling or a bad person? Where's the discrepancy?

What does this poem tell me? Not much.

I'm no stranger to writing these "mysterious" poems, myself... they're like doodles with words. But, since everybody's a damn critic now a' days... why not try to be as perfect as humanly possible. It'll never happen, because someone is always setting a new criteria, but everyone can feel free to kill themselves trying.
| Posted on 2009-01-02 00:00:00 | by alittlebithippy | [ Reply to This ]
  I see why some people would like it, but its not one of my favorites either. It is good, dont get me wrong, and i like the content, but something about the structure threw me off.
| Posted on 2008-12-10 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hello cry, I have read Can`t get rid of me, and was impressed, that came from the heart I felt.
for me you had been there.

It took me back several years ago and how I felt when writing out verse, cannot wait to see more of your work.

I just had to say how i felt reading the first of your writing, I`m sure to be back to you soon.

| Posted on 2008-10-07 00:00:00 | by jamar2 | [ Reply to This ]
  Its a short piece, but the title is what first drew me to it. Its very good, and very true, unfortunatly sometimes as it seems. u are a very talented writer and i am honored to read ur work!
<3 Aang
| Posted on 2008-09-16 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ]
  I look like nothing.
For I am that feeling
That haunts people,
And drives them to the end.

Sigh so youre behind that feeling? Grr, you relly know how to make me cry! (JK)

The only complaint I have isit seemed to not flow as I read it.

but I loved it.

| Posted on 2008-07-11 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
  Can I say this poem is creepy. I like it!
You kinda remind me of me and our shared (Affliction) only in this piece you are like what we feel when we walk through cob web or spider web. good job and nice work.

The Poor Man's Poet.
| Posted on 2008-05-07 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
  This is very gothic like, I love it!

Like everyone else, i loved the tone of it. I do think it could use a little work. Personally, I think "Here Lies Little Kayla" was a lot better, but this one wasn't that bad. Maybe you could add a little more input into it. It vaguely tells the story, it doesn't really get into it.

Overall, not a bad start. If you ever change it, let me know. I would like to read it if you do.

| Posted on 2008-05-05 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the opening lines set the tone very well. I have to agree with Nikkki I got that same feeling. I get the feeling of someone watching someone but not for sexual desire more for a feeling of acceptance and fearing how haunting you can truly be. Thats what I got from it but this is a very interesting write and everyone could get something a little. I look forward to reading more I enjoyed this read.

Nice write,
| Posted on 2008-04-27 00:00:00 | by Kersofmia | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nice! I like the thought of being in someone's bones! Like- so embedded. -Deeper than blood goes...
Great write!
No final endings only the promises of return...
You have straight spelled wrong. And for the 2nd to last line; it should read "There are no goodbyes" and that's the only errors I see on this one!

*love & light*


| Posted on 2008-04-07 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
  The flow was kind of slow and their were two grammatical/spelling errors I noticed. But over all it was really good. It was kind of creepy, something you really have to think about. good job! :)
| Posted on 2008-02-15 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ]
  There are a few different things I get from this. I can't help but wonder if you're just using yourself to describe something else, or if it's like the ode of a stalker, where once you get attached to someone, they cannot get rid of you... or maybe neither. But whatever, I like it.

I love poems that can be interpreted in many different ways. They make the reader think, and that's always good. In my opinion, poems should be thought-provoking, and that's what this was for me.

Should "peoples" be "people" though? I'm no good with grammar, so I have no idea.

Anyway, I enjoyed this. The creepy, haunting vibe is perfect.

Very nicely done.

| Posted on 2008-01-30 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
  wow.this is exactly how i feel. i loved it. but peoples? that kinda slowed the flow...consider changing it? but good! (and thx for all the comments on mine!)
| Posted on 2007-12-06 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this could use a little work but i think u did well..really described the feeling..good job :)
| Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this could use a little work but i think u did well..really described the feeling..good job :)
| Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ]

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