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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Diablo Tapitio
    ASL Info:    27
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 57/67/41
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 136
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 654



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShedots
    -------------------------------------------


    She sold her soul for birth controll,
    she lets demons in her home.
    She build a wall to hide behind,
    and trusts the visions of the blind.

    She is the calm before the storm
    She is the breeze when its too warm,
    Finds pleasure in violence,
    and wisdom in silence.

    She drinks blood and calls it wine,
    She is yours yet she is mine.
    She wears her cross upside down,
    She holds your soul inside her crown.

    She is imortal and wants to die,
    She cant escape but still she tries.
    so she hides her days away,
    Untill the earth is washed away.




    Submitted on 2007-11-21 23:00:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "well written!" ...And?? I hate that, but I have to agree. This is written wonderfully.

    The first line grabbed my attention, and everything after that kept it.
    I can't help but wonder if this is about an actual person, or if "she" is just symbolic for something else... but either way, it works.

    "She build a wall to hide behind,
    and trusts the visions of the blind."

    I like the way those two lines are somewhat contradictory.
    Hmm... wait... "build." Should that be builds? I didn't notice at first, but it sounds a little off.

    "Finds pleasure in violence,
    and wisdom in silence."

    It's interesting how that can happen. I know what you mean though. I usually always find pleasure in violence, and you can say more with silence than you can ever say by speaking.

    "She wears her cross upside down,
    She holds your soul inside her crown."

    That's got to be my favorite part. It's just... perfect.

    "She is immortal and wants to die"

    That's sad. I'm pretty sure I know what you're going for, but it made me think of vampires... which I like the idea of.

    And the last two lines end it very nicely.

    I guess I have no constructive criticism. I wouldn't change a thing.
    Well, there are a few spelling mistakes, but I really couldn't care less. I wasn't distracted by them or anything.

    You have a lot of talent, and it shows through every word.
    Beautifully done.

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-12-21 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      She sold her soul for birth controll,

    Seems to be a little out of place to me but hey the rest of it sounds very good. You have alot talent. I look forward to reading more.
    | Posted on 2007-11-22 00:00:00 | by Katlord | [ Reply to This ]
      well written!
    | Posted on 2007-11-22 00:00:00 | by Nessyjane | [ Reply to This ]



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