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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Motherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlueTorcher
    Elite Ratio:    7.33 - 65/34/38
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 93
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 748



    Description:
       This one is really more of a poem to my mother.I just will never let her read it.Also it has not been revised so correction are in order.


    Oh well.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMotherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My mother
    The one I love and trust
    The ones whos always there for me
    Even if I havent been just

    The one I hate with a single flip
    And think to hit with a whip
    The one whose face fills my dreams
    Making them nightmares
    Or the happiest of dreams

    The one I cry to,in the night
    When everything gives me such a fright
    The one I can always rely on
    Even if If do keep her up all night

    The one whose tears break my heart
    Even when I dont see them
    And were far apart


    The one I hate so easily
    And love just the same

    The only one who is willing to play
    My love,hate game




    Submitted on 2007-11-23 17:53:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      <always> ... 1st stanza... 3rd line and 3rd stanza... also 3rd line

    <whose>...1st and 2nd stanza... 3rd line

    <making> ...2nd stanza... 4th line

    <at the night> ... 3rd stanza... 1st line

    <even if I > ....3rd stanza ...last line

    <we're>... 4th stanza ...last line

    <who'se> ... last stanza... 1st line ...


    Lots of typo mistakes... But the meaning is sooo beautiful ... U focus alot on the ideo of hating her so rapidly... whenever something bothers us... and that;s true... But I think u used harsh wordss... Like <hit with a whip> ... I dnt think any1 wld dare do it to his own mother....
    And,
    <The only one whose been willing to play>...
    I guess it should be.. who'se ALWAYS... not been... cz she always play this game with us.....
    I really loved the idea here... ORIGINAL...
    Though the first stanza seemed cliché to me...
    But in the end it's only my suggestion.. And I suggest to revise this piece a bit ...Because The subject is really deep !! and worth writting on !!

    PEACE
    | Posted on 2007-11-24 00:00:00 | by Dying Young | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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