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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Generation Questdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: tagit
    ASL Info:    36 - Male - Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.67 - 48/48/35
    Words: 273
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 152
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1730



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGeneration Questdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What do people see
    when they look at me?
    Does my B.C. subtly
    fade me by degree?
    My focus solely
    arranged by decree.

    Who turned my hard work
    into a foreign nation?
    Why has a divorced relation
    become my hallmark
    for a family’s
    future dedication?

    Am I so out of touch
    that I think feelings are a crutch?

    Is it because society has
    thrust me into a wooden
    mold so firmly set
    in antiquities’ dusty
    belief and regret?
    I stand up straight
    and do as I’m told,
    I blend in where others
    are different and bold.

    Invest as much as I can
    in a solid mutual plan.
    It’s the only way I’ll be happy
    when I become an old man.
    Determined, I scrimp and save
    so that some day I will
    experience my life that I crave.

    Who invented this measure
    that determines my future leisure?
    Why must I sacrifice my ideals
    to serve the calculated pleasure
    of seemingly upright lofty folk
    whose haughty thoughts of superiority
    grip tightly onto humanity’s yoke.

    What am I able to become
    when my hands are tied in a knot,
    which I fear can never be undone
    until I’m interred in a burial plot?

    My head may be bowed,
    but in a standing position
    my spirit remains.
    I defy those that teach to shun
    and taunt my strength to wane.
    As a result, I am merely
    a by-product of unlooked-for
    purpose and potential; wary
    of those who came before.






    Submitted on 2007-11-24 00:17:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      At first, I was uneasy with te rhyming. I didn't think that it did well for this piece because it made it seem mechanical. But as I finished reading the piece, it gave me the impression that the rhyming itself was an element needed to tell the story. This makes the piece speak of confinements using confinements; and in that light, that makes your piece far more tragically beautiful than I expected it to be.

    As a whole, this feels and looks like a person waiting in line; back straight, eyes staring directly into an emptiness that could either offend or affect to seem threatening. But looking closer, the pulse becomes a braille, the twitching of lips and the clutching of fingers become an emotional map and the body becomes the enduring vessel of a retaliating artist's soul.

    I can't wait for it to start shaking.

    I bet it would look beautiful.
    | Posted on 2007-11-24 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      I've got to tell you, of all the SOCIETY SUCKS poems I've read on here, yours seems to be the most well-composed and expressive of them all.

    Invest as much as I can
    in a solid mutual plan.
    It’s the only way I’ll be happy
    when I become an old man.
    Determined, I scrimp and save
    so that some day I will
    experience my life that I crave.

    I think this stanza rang the truest to me. Here in America it's all about money (really, one of the reasons America is considered a superpower is because of greed). A friend of my mother, Amy, had a husband who became extremely ill; he contracted a disease (I'm not sure what it was) that left him paralytic. Well, for about 45 years he paid Medicare for health insurance. On the last few weeks of his life, when he actually needed assistance, Medicare sent him two nurses; after three days of assisting him, the nurses left. Tell me, where does 45 years of payment go? It's very sad, this money-money-money obsession people cultivate. "I must invest in this, in that, I have to work, can't take care of my kids, so I can buy a big house and a nice car, so I can have all the possessions my heart desires." These people are existing, not living.
    But yeah, good job with those lines.

    As a result, I am merely
    a by-product of unlooked-for
    purpose and potential; wary
    of those who came before.

    What I got from this was that people are so set into what they're encouraged to believe, that any change is not welcome. (I may be far off; it's an early Saturday morning). If that's the case, I disagree. Yes, it seems like society and common beliefs are spiraling down into a mess of tasteless normalities; they call this the Age of Information, but it's really the Age of Revolution.

    Anyways, sorry about my vehemence; your poem brought up some great points and stimulated much thought. Great write

    -C.L.
    | Posted on 2007-11-24 00:00:00 | by Coeur Lazulis | [ Reply to This ]



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