I'm glad to be reading this one today Azura. Part of me needs to die or it's going to stay in pain. I won't say say why here and it doesn't matter. we can choose the aspects of ourselves we want to keep and those we want to lose. That's my story, just everything about this poem is relevant.
In the greater idea of death, there is a revolving door. Some of us are visible, some not, but we are all still here.
You take the scene and make it viable as though we're nothing but a vapor that transcends. In fact, we are.
Your brilliance astounds me sometimes. I love that you have the wisdom of an old soul. You touch my heart and it's so good to see you shine.
I liked this alot, it had a quiet energy and cold breeze running thru it, thoughtful and kept itself within the graveyard fence, so to speak, by respecting the subject and not going too far afield or over doing it. my only suggestion would be line breaks as this might work,
worthy awaken
to music
heard only
by those aware
they are
dying.
In a whisper,
age-old beliefs
impregnate the air,
and desperate
souls answer the calling:
"Today is as good a day
as any to die.
Spread open
your arms(,)
(and) dance."
I like the feel of the last word "dance, " which makes dying something less macabre and more in tune with the mysteries trees murmur and the glint of light and intelligence in an insects' multiple eyes...there are patterns and dances beyond measure. koster
I wouldn't be surprised if this "dance" comes with the most beautiful tip-toeings I'll ever see.
I'm glad that this piece violated my expectation of reading another more-or-less pretentious oh-I'm-so-dark-and-cool-and-miserable Goth piece. I think this is very important to be the way it is because it gives a rendering view of the end of things. It welcomes the reality that there is beauty in it as well as the fact that it is a necessary concept to understand life.
To me, it possesses a melodic feat and structure. It has an almost delirious kind of bliss to it; and a drug-like after effect that places you in the position of not fully understanding something but appreciating it nontheless.
The wordplay, of course, works to its advantage. It gives color and life to something that relates to a detrimental rendering. It gives grace to the way things fell into place and it gave a strong sense of uniqueness to the way your words prance to an overall product of soft colors and strong structures.
Submission Name: Cheers: To Death
