[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Unexcapabledots

    Author: Aangskate
    ASL Info:    18/male
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 133/117/44
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 946
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 492

       I dont like this one as much as Madness...but I need some advice! So please comment! Thanks.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Rain falls
    Darkness calls,
    me by my name
    its not a game
    this hunger within
    cannnot be quenched, drowning in my sin.

    This beast inside
    never dies,
    night comes
    engulfing me
    I try to flee.

    Save me from this world
    bring the sword
    lash it out
    I will not flench.

    I scream in agony
    my voice is lonely
    the voice is fear
    I shed a tear.

    Submitted on 2007-11-25 15:35:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey its me again. I really like your writing, so i decided to put you under the people i'm stalking. Is that okay?

    Anyways, this is a great poem, like always! You are better than I am, though i hate to admit it. I havent had time to post my poems yet, and the ones i have are not my best.

    | Posted on 2008-05-16 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice. slightly emo. but still interesting.
    | Posted on 2008-04-07 00:00:00 | by insanegemini | [ Reply to This ]
      I think "cannot" is spelt "can not" I'm not sure though. The poem had a nice rythmic flow. Ummm... I geuss thats all, keep it up your a great writer.
    | Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by Coripa | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i'm a bsaically speahess, i love it. to me it flowed wonderfully, you really captured the feeeling of pain here. great job ^_^
    | Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow i loved this poem. to me it flowed nicely!
    | Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by Demon__666 | [ Reply to This ]
      First stanza:

    Rain falls
    Darkness calls,
    me by my name
    its not a game
    this hunger within
    cannnot be quelched, drowning in my sin.

    [Cannot and Quenched, hon. Also no comma after darkness calls.]

    Third stanza:

    Save me from this world
    bring the sword
    lash it out
    I will not flench

    [Flinch, hon. Also, I see you're trying to use punctuation with this poem. Rule of thumb: stick with it or don't do it at all. It ruins the flow of the poem.]

    [Otherwise, good poem. Just a few fixer-uppers. Oh, and maybe you'll adopt this ideal, it's a cleaner more linear looking poem if you make sure all stanzas are the same length.]
    | Posted on 2007-11-25 00:00:00 | by SanctityExposed | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    The World written by jjd
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]