Continuity or The Ocean is in the Sky by Sheakhan

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Submission Name: Continuity or The Ocean is in the Sky dots

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Author:	Sheakhan
ASL Info:	21/M/FL
Elite Ratio:	5.72 - 163/168/74
Words:	95

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	146
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	689

Description:
catch this scent of burning leaves.

edited... whatever day this is, november, 2007 due to typo.

should now read "drowning"

Continuity or The Ocean is in the Sky dots

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The ocean's in the sky now,
and all the birds are drowning
Ol' mountains sing a crisp song
while those dead aves chirp along.

Like always.

I taste autumn like menthol,
even my bones shiver now.
My steps announced, leaves become
trumpeteers in this season.

Fields suffocated, wither,
and cotton clings to asphalt:
begging wind to let it stay,
though each year it is this way.

North wind announced, flagpoles are
marching drums in this season.
I'd give my legs to see this
stately season persevere

all year, all year.

Submitted on 2007-11-25 15:41:32 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i adore this.

here in my country we have had THE most amazing summer in years. absolute years. then march 1st rolls round and it starts raining and being gross and horrid... autumn is making itself known. we were completely unprepared for this coldness. its crazy.

and so with this dramatic seasonal change in mind this piece is wonderful.

the first two lines turned my world on its nose.
the oceans in the sky and all the birds are drowning. a very strong opening. the world really is on its nose. but you go on to create images that present the idea that perhaps it isnt a bad thing that the world is on its nose.

leaves become trumpeteers
flagpoles become marching drums

so true and such amazing images right there.
ive just started back at work and have been walking an hour each way daily because it is easier than finding a park [and prolly a healthy option or something]
anyways... there is this one flagpole on the old bus station roof that is loose. so not only is the rope on the flagpole blowing around in the wind and making a rattling drum noise but the whole pole is making this clanking sound... its quite rhythmic too and is fun to try and walk in time with

it is clear to me you are rather in like with autumn
i dont know if id want it all year round but it is a beautiful season.
| Posted on 2008-03-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Very pretty, yet masculine. Though, I wouldn't use the word "announce" twice in this piece, it's too strong a word. Also, first stanza, second line. Is it "all the birds are drowning" or "drowing?" Confusion. Lovely bit, though.
| Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by SanctityExposed | [ Reply to This ]
  This was remarkable. I was agreeing with every statement and observation and stroke in this poem. It's cherishable and it's intelligent. The wisdom and the details in this poem are so...desireable. I will add this to my favorites. Thank you for the evening splendour.
| Posted on 2007-11-25 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]

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