It is not that I want you to leave, by any means.
I would like for you to look at me as me.
Accept this person that I am
The person I chose and the person that I never did choose to be.
It is not like I am so full of sin anymore
and you should not be the one worrying over it.
My life is my worry and I am in no hurry to go back to those times.
The way you speak to me, sometimes,
you make me feel ugly.
Maybe that is also my problem,
and maybe you are just too damned innocent for me.
Lullabies always seemed so sweet to me
and I wish that I could stay in that fantasy.
Time passes though, and things keep changing
and I can not keep up with all of this rearranging.
Laundry is quite enough already.
I keep thinking that I need to throw things out
to make room for the new.
Even though the new is so full of sparkle and it is clean,
I long for the old reminders - covered in dust.
They tell me my story.
And I never have to write it down.
Paper takes up space.
Closer, am I, to this lukewarm coffee?
Closer, am I, to this enlightened level of frustration?
Which am I closer to, my future or my past?
I cling for dear life to those dry memories.
So long gone.. so far back.
Almost five years ago, to be un-exact.
I do not know where I left my heart at.
It still beats inside of me, somewhat,
but where did the feeling go?
Somewhere in the music..
But the music could not of stolen it all.
Then again, maybe that was all my doing.
Raping my mind and draining the life out of myself.
Putting every honest feeling up on my black shelf,
with my pictures from the past.
My little dark corner of the world.
The darkest place in my mind.
Time. We are all late or we are all on time.
No more black and white, please..
I need the gray to survive.
I need to survive.
And I need to know that I can do it alone.
It is one of my down falls, trust me.
Trust me, I will be okay someday..
or so I tell myself.