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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tell Me What You Seedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maki
    ASL Info:    17/ female/ home
    Elite Ratio:    5.04 - 208/210/69
    Words: 2910
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 919
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 16391



    Description:
       **I was too lazy to type it all out so I copied it from my deviant art...nethingbutordinary@deviantart.com***

    Yup. A friend and me are doing some stories together. Then we'll be holding a slight competition to see who's is better.

    What we did:

    Took our five favorite songs from an artist
    Used 1 quote on each page
    5 Pages

    What we will do:

    Take our five favorite songs from the same artist
    use at LEAST 1 quote on each page
    5 Pages

    SO yea. Enjoy.

    PS: Yes. Its about two boys NO. It is NOT NOT NOT Yaoi. Three, yes it's romance.

    Can you guess which band this is? :3 It's not very hard But nonetheless...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTell Me What You Seedots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Can I tell you something... I think you'll understand." he said as he peered over to the person next to him. He felt familiar, yet so strange at the same time.

    "Hm? what now?" replied a tired, worn out voice from the person standing next to him.

    "I wanna hold your hand." came out rather nonchalant from his lips. He pulled a piece of licorice from his clenched jaw and peered at the guy next to him. He wanted a reaction, any kind would do really; upset, happy, disgusted.

    The answer he got was not what he wanted. "Why?" The man pulled a cigarette from his lips and expelled the smoke from his lungs before he replaced it in its spot.

    "I don't really know why... I just do. I might like you beyond friendship.” He began to feel irritated by the reaction, but it was only because he didn't get what he wanted. His bluntness has gotten him into quite a few ruts; he wasn't even thinking about how big this hole could be.

    “What? Has my charm gotten too strong for you to resist? Do my deep dark chocolate eyes seduce you?” he asked with a bad ass sort smirk on his face. He moved a bit closer. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and threw it on the floor. He blew the smoke out of his lungs and drew closer, “Does my voice make the little hairs on the back of your neck stand on end? Does a shivering feeling run through you like a shock wave? Does it?” He was inches from his face.

    The other boy just shrugged, “Yea, maybe.” he put the licorice back in his mouth, feeling slightly hurt by his words. There wasn't any real defined answer in that. It was just a bunch of questions he set up to make him confess. But...was there anything to confess? Didn't he just do that? Scot can be so annoying sometimes. But for now, he decided to focus on chewing his licorice and peeling it from the crevasses of his molars.

    A long silence passed.

    Scot lit up another cigarette, walked back to where he was before, and exhaled a puff of smoke, “Well? Are you?” he looked to Ryan. His dark brown, seductive eyes burning into the side of Ryan's strawberry blond head.

    Ryan slowly turned his head, “Am I what?” he replied, his angered clear blue eyes finally meet that of the impure murky brown of Scot's.

    Scot just shrugged, “Thought you wanted to hold my hand. But, If not...I'll just leave and see you tomorrow.” he stood there, not really wanting to leave. He enjoyed toying with Ryan's pretty little head. He loved the uneasy tension that was constantly between them. He enjoyed staring at his beautiful face, hearing his voice. He'd never admit it, never ever. The feeling that Ryan might break down at any given moment and break the ice so they all go tumbling after, thrilled him.

    “...Just go.” Ryan, the blond haired prince said, picking up another piece of licorice from the big tub of it he bought. He really should save his money for real food, but he doesn't.
    “Fine, Catch ya later.” with that he jumped over the railing of the building and disappeared.

    “Jerk.” he harshly snapped the licorice and sloppily ate it. His eyes turned to the horizon which showed him evidence of the sunset coming. With a sigh he put the lid back on the tub and shoved it in his backpack.

    Ryan slowly turned and replayed all the events that happened, all the words he could remember, and all the feelings that he felt. That night after dinner and the mindless chatter with his family, he finally made it to his peaceful room. Messy as all hell but peaceful. He turned on the stereo and felt the vibration of the bass in everything he touched. He smiled and began to hum a long to the lyrics. While he did this, the thought occurred to him to pick up his clothes. That could pass the time...maybe even make him tired. Yes, sleep. That is the ultimate salvation.

    After a night of nothingness, Scot was bored. He sat at his one room apartment and puffed a smoke dough nut into the air, “Damn. “ he looked at the clock, then looked at his watch, then to the phone. No calls. Why not? Someone had to need him...someone always does.

    He impatiently moved about..

    He put the cigarette out and pushed his glasses up on his face and began to feel the real boredom sink into his skull, making him want to implode. He stood up and began to pace, “Oh please, “ with a roll of his eyes, he pulled out the trusty cell phone, flipped it open and began to type a message.

    Do you want to know a secret?
    Do you promise not to tell?
    He sent the message and waited for a reply.
    Two minutes passed, nothing.
    Three minutes, three and a half,
    five minutes, six minutes, and
    ten minutes finally passes.
    Bzzt.

    What do you want? Was the reply.

    Scot scoffed and shook his head, typing back. No, that's not what you're supposed to say. Another ten minutes passed and he got a reply. ...What the hell do you want? Nothing. Why are you bugging me Scot? Don't you have someplace to be? No. No I don't.

    No, that's right. No place to be. No one needed him. He threw the phone across the room and grabbed his coat. He opened the door, shut it, and put the keys in his pocket. Slowly, he made his way through the jungle of a city with out a destination in mind. He felt a sudden urge for something, an uncomfortable silence in his ears. He just didn't understand why he felt so...unsettled.

    I wanna hold your hand...Might like you more than a friend....Am I what?
    He stopped at a park and pulled out his pack of cigarettes, put the filter in his mouth and lit up. With a good long suck, he held the smoke in. Held it in. Held it in.....and let it out. He took his glasses off and brushed his long hazelnut colored hair out of his face. He looked like crap. Like hell. Felt like he had a cold coming on, a sort of sluggish and solid feeling in his mind and muscles. No where near good enough for.... Then again, what was he supposed to look like besides, this? Who was he supposed to impress...? He took another long draw and decided to head over to Ryan's house. Yea yea, he's not supposed to, but screw it.

    Once he got to Ryan's house he felt comforted by the sound of his music, blaring so loud he could hear it perfectly. One graceful leap and he was hanging onto the tree branch. He climbed over to the window sill and waited patiently for the first time tonight. He heard a big group of fumbling nosies and a few curses, but once the window was open he quickly slid in despite Ryan's effort to push him out..

    “Dammit. I've got no time for you right now, Don't bother me.” Ryan replied, aggravated, still hurt from only a couple of hours ago. He felt like he was just dumped and had a whole bunch of senseless pent up anger for someone he knew from the very beginning would only stay until his use was up.

    “What's got you angry? Your mom on your case again?” He walked over and sat on the bed, laid down, then looked to the ceiling. Before he could get comfortable, a pillow was thrown at his face. “Hey, what the hell?” he tilted his his head and tucked the pillow underneath his head. “What's your problem?”

    “...You are. Get out. Gosh.” he blared his music a bit more. He moved on to picking up his clothes, throwing them into the basket, and organizing his desk. He suddenly felt his arm get jerked around and he was standing face to face with Scot. “Let go.”

    Scot let go of his arm and shook his head, “Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you....and....yea. Forgive me.” He said rather forcefully. He didn't quite understand that the way he was saying it was the problem, not what he was saying. Ryan could tell he was just desperate...that he just didn't want the only person that pays attention to him to be mad at him. Ryan, in that very moment had Scot wrapped around his tiniest finger. The slightest yank could send him overboard, drowning in his own miseries and problems.

    Ryan smiled deviously and said, “Well...what if I don't want to forgive you? What're you going to do?” he tilted his head, seeing how far he could push the button in before it got jammed or wouldn't push in any further.

    Scot just stared at him, “ I dunno what I'll do.” he paused a moment and slowly turned his face away from him. He was feeling a sudden loss for words to gain back his dominance.

    “What's the matter? Don't have anything to say? Cat..got...your...tongue?” Ryan smiled triumphantly. Hah! Ha-ha-ha-hah! Finally! For once in their whole relationship, Ryan held the reigns, and it felt good.

    Scot didn't know what to do. His instinct was to back hand the smart ass boy. Right across the face. Damaging that perfect skin of his, installing fear into those bright blue, cocky eyes; but he couldn't. All he could do is back off. No words came to his mind to parry the upper hand Ryan had. He didn't look so big and bad any more, he kind of looked pathetic.

    “...Why won't you just forgive me?” He finally pressed after finally realizing he was loosing control of the one thing he thought he could handle with no problems. Ryan had always listened to him, always did what he said...why was it now that Ryan was growing some self-confidence and defying the unwritten roles in their relationship?

    Ryan simply stated, “Because I don't want to.”

    Scot grew very uneasy about that defiant comment. He grew uneasy with the fact that Ryan many not need him any more...that. He turned his face to Ryan and said, “... Fine.” he decided that it wasn't worth the fighting. He'd come around...he has to. Scot wanted to stay, but he new the situation called for him to go. He slowly moved to the window and sat on the sill, looking to the tree branch. With a sigh he watched as Ryan smugly smiled at him, he knew victory was his...he knew it.

    Scot pushed the glasses back onto his nose and quietly left the window sill and walked across the high beam of a branch, to the trunk and sat down. Suddenly, the distance seemed so far. Really far. He looked to the window and saw Ryan leaning against it. His hand against the vertical wood that was it's frame. His other hand was in his pocket, leisurely hanging there.

    Ryan's lips moved but only a whisper loud enough for Scot could be heard, “...You'll never leave me and you know it's true. You like me too much....” with that he closed his windows and shut the curtains, turning off his lights and walked back to his bed where he laid in the same spot Scot was in”...and I like you...”

    As if being struck in the heart with the dullest of spears, Scot felt a ringing in his ears. He slowly slid out of the tree and stumbled, almost landing face first in the grass. This shouldn't affect him. He could find someone else. He's not attached to Ryan. Ryan is nothing...absolutely nothing. He slowly picked himself up and reached in his pocket. He shuffled his hand around and found a void. With a couple of confused blinks he looked back to the room. “...Are you kidding me?” he whispered to himself. They dropped...they actually fell from his pocket and are now in Ryan's room. His hands nervously shook.

    Ryan'll bring them to him, he immediately thought. He continued back to his house, feeling as if he was just tossed into a river to defend himself using only his body and his unsteady mind..

    “That big dumb doufas. Ass hat, idiot, jerk, inconsiderate baffoon!” he said in his mind, over and over so much his lips started to mimic it. “Who does he think he is?” his mind continued on an angry rant. Ryan frowned and stared at the wall. He stared hard. He squinted his eyes, closed them, opened them, looked around with them, squinted them again, and finally...closed them. His muscles started to relax, “...maybe...I should forgive him....” he slowly opened his eyes, but they'd only rest half way. “Maybe... I should just forgive him...He's kind of all I've got. For as annoying, conceited, pushy, and mean as he is...he's...not...” Ryan sighed and closed his eyes again. “That bad.” Ryan rolled over onto his back when he heard a crunching noise.

    Eh?

    He sat up and turned his body half way around, Cigarettes? Ryan picked them up and straightened the box out, “...Scot. “ he sighed a moment and decided to forgive him. He's going to regret it but, he can't stay mad at him very long. Scot's all I have in this big city.

    Ryan slid on a coat and zipped it confidently up. He was going to forgive...but he was going to lay down the rules too. Scot was to not make him feel like a looser. Scot was not to make him feel like an idiot. Scot was not to make him do anything any more.

    Half an hour passed before either of them found themselves in the same place. Instinctively, Scot went to the building where they usually hang out. He was craving a cigarette, he needed something to calm him down. Though his face never showed his worry, his mind was racing...Ryan, Cigarettes, forgiveness, Ryan, Cigarettes, faster, racing, heart beat, craving, loud, racing, faster....Stop.

    Ryan looked to Scot as he slowly rounded the corner. He felt his heart beat quickly and his mind go blank. He slowly walked towards Scot who looked just as scared to be facing his problems.
    From a distance Ryan said, “... You...forgot your cigarettes.” he took a step closer.

    Scot nodded and followed suit.

    “...I figured I'd bring them to you...” he took a couple more steps forward.

    Scot tilted his head slightly and pushed his glasses up on his face. “You didn't have to.”

    “Yea... I know. “ they were finally facing each other. Inches away, but the air was somehow different. Ryan extended his hand and Scot carefully reached for the cigarettes. In his mind, he thought Don't touch his skin. I want to. Just don't. He's mad at you, you don't need him and you're just worrying yourself with this sudden need to see him. No, I don't think I need him. Exactly.

    I want him.

    Ryan suddenly found himself spiraling laterally into a warm chest that smelt like mint gum and cigarettes. “What are you doing?” he felt the need to repel, to get away, to run.

    “Open up your eyes now, tell me what you see.”

    Ryan shook his head, “ I don't see anything.”

    “Look into these eyes now, tell me what you see.” Scot removed his glasses with his free hand as he held onto Ryan's hand and tried to be sincere.

    “I don't see anything.” he replied again, his eyes to the ground.

    “Listen to me one more time, how can I get through? “ Scot's voice suddenly raised in volume and intensity. He scared the poor prince enough to jump and look at him with wide clear eyes..

    Scot rolled his piercing hues and put his glasses back on, held Ryan's hand and said, “For once...Can't you try to see that I'm trying to get to you? Haven't you ever noticed it? The teasing, testing, pushing, pulling, thrashing, calling, texting, needing...don't you understand?” Scot tilted his head.

    “No! I don't understand. Why would you be so mean?” Ryan looked down to his hand, holding on tightly. Oh how his body betrayed his mind..

    “Can I, tell you something?” Scot braced himself, feeling his muscles tensed as the time of confession came true.

    Ryan shook his head, “No... but If I fell in love with you Would you promise to be true?”




    Submitted on 2007-11-26 00:43:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Have you ever seen the movie "Latter Days"? I have a gay friend who showed it to me (not really my style of movie) but it reminded me a lot of your story, even though it's not really the same plot or anything. The whole idea of a relationship overcoming vanity... The character Scot realized that he actually had feelings that he couldn't just walk away from. There was a connection.

    Anyways cool idea using song lyrics as the spark for the story. It reminds me of "Across the Universe," because the girl singing "I wanna hold your hand," also doesn't follow the standard love path, and falls for another girl. I'm rambling...

    I love the flow of this story. The little details tell so much. Ryan, chews on licorice, more like a child. While, the more controlling older guy, Scot smokes. That is very clever characterization. It also helps me follow who is saying what. I could practically feel Scot right up in my face at the beginning of the story; great job with the intensity.

    Twice you mention Scot expelling/blowing "smoke from his lungs". The descriptions are close enough together that it becomes a little redundant, but that's just me.
    I loved this sentence: "But for now, he decided to focus on chewing his licorice and peeling it from the crevasses of his molars." It's one of those small habits people have, and it mentioning that makes the story more real.

    "The feeling that Ryan might break down at any given moment and break the ice so they all go tumbling after, thrilled him." This is a really great sentence, but I think saying "break" twice weakens it.
    Also, in: "He sat at his one room apartment and puffed a smoke dough nut into the air," it should be: "He sat in his one..." ( I know, tiny stuff lol)

    I liked the fact that you moved back and forth between the characters in each of their homes. It contrasts them, and keeps the reader entertained. I like that you incorporated the text messages, but I have a suggestion. If you italicize that actual texts it will be a lot easier to decipher the characters' thoughts and actions from the actual text. It also would be visually more interesting.

    Loved this:
    "Felt like he had a cold coming on, a sort of sluggish and solid feeling in his mind and muscles." Great description... That is exactly what a cold feels like when I'm about to get one. And right after that sentence "nowhere" is one word...

    The next few paragraphs are wonderful. I was sucked into the story, and Wow... great job with that confrontation. I really liked the way you could see the motors of both of the guy's mind's cranking as they both realized Ryan's new control.

    In: "Scot wanted to stay, but he new the situation called for him to go." new should be knew.
    And in: "Ryan'll bring them to him" Did you mean "Ryan'll bring them to me"? Since it's Scot's thoughts (haha rhyme)...

    Scot seems pretty addicted to smoking. It's almost like the way he realizes he needs Ryan. I don't know if that is supposed to be a comparison, but I like it.
    Anyways, I absolutely loved the way things grew and grew, and the ending was perfect. It is like one of those cliffhangers that isn't disappointing because the author leaves you enough to make the story continue in your head.

    Another favorite sentence: "Ryan suddenly found himself spiraling laterally into a warm chest that smelt like mint gum and cigarettes."

    This story was full of very creative and well-written descriptions and it was an emotional roller coaster. Sorry my comment is so long, but the story is kind of long to, so it works... I'm going to go listen to the Beatles. Really liked this!
    :) tennisfuzz
    | Posted on 2008-01-07 00:00:00 | by tennisfuzz | [ Reply to This ]
      Uh ... not talking to me here! I was too old-fashioned to understand them when I was younger than the Beatles in their funny little suits, now I'm forty years older but I think I wuz going the other way. I can still finish stories about trains though, as long as they can talk.
    | Posted on 2008-01-01 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


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