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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Peppermint Trafficdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    21/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.44 - 365/447/199
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 180
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 521



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPeppermint Trafficdots
    -------------------------------------------


    For every hour that moves too slow
    there's a night that just passes.
    I can't see the stars out here.
    Twinkle twinkle headlights,
    untwisted candy cane stripes of
    red and white down the freeway.
    Peppermint traffic, stop and go.

    For every white dash
    there's a mile of yellow line.
    And every city that swallows the sky
    and digests the sea of cars
    is one less eternity
    keeping us hungry for destination.





    Submitted on 2007-11-26 02:29:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I almost agree with Paradox. This feels like it could be much much longer. There's an idea and story building within this poem and you should let it free. For now, as it is, it just feels like a random idea you got while in traffic, now try to expand it.
    | Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by Jakirina | [ Reply to This ]
      "For every hour that moves too slow
    there's a night that just passes."

    Great opening lines. You got something going on here. The ending is not that good though. Maybe you could write another stanza for it. Just an ideea. The poem is good as it is...
    | Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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