[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Falling Away dots

    Author: CaughtRedhanded
    ASL Info:    18/F/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 94/41/22
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 631
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 779


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling Away dots

    I am bored with love
    and it's passionless limbs
    that drape over my bed
    in a lethargic state of impotence
    while wearing the same red heart
    my soul picked up hitchhiking
    off highway serendipity

    Now here we are
    alone in togetherness
    trying to build dreams
    with two by fours and glue,
    but even a home
    won't tie us together
    when our hearts live alone

    Poetic vows clichéd
    into nothingness
    like all words do, eventually
    and we allowed
    our bodies to become
    another pair of hollow shadows
    that make love to a wall
    instead of each other
    and we wonder why
    the roses are dying

    Submitted on 2007-11-26 12:40:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this. It's very original, the opposite of the sappy love notes people normally write on this site. I like the imagery also, it's lovely and thought-provoking. I can relate to this, which is wonderful, even if what I feel isn't as intense - I understand the feeling of feeling so worn out with love you just want to give it up for a while, not because you don't love the other person, but just because you want it to be fresh again.

    Very lovely, thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2007-12-18 00:00:00 | by Astair | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Every..... written by jackz
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    True Death written by layDsayD
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Fasade written by jackz
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]