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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Track With No Enddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Inkybro
    ASL Info:    17/M/Oklahoma
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 55/69/39
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 95
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 402



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Track With No Enddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Given the time
    I should be fine
    And the location
    And the temptation
    But these times come
    These times go
    And I 'suddenly' realize
    It IS that bad
    Damnit, I AM that sad
    And even if some people starve
    I hope they're starving happy
    Because I'd rather die hungry
    Than live this life I've been handed




    Submitted on 2007-11-26 13:50:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, the ending of this was very powerful. I'm not sure if I'm right, but what I get from it is that you are living this "blessed" life but you don't feel at all happy with it, and you are saying "yeah, maybe these people are starving, but maybe they're deliriously happy with it."

    Your writing has a great rhythm. I don't know, I almost want to tap my foot to it, haha.
    | Posted on 2007-12-10 00:00:00 | by wovenwords | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way you put quotes around suddenly. Adds just the right touch to the line. The first four lines seem kinda outta place somehow... Maybe if they were worded differently? Well, it doesn't matter, it's fine the way it is now.
    Kudos.
    | Posted on 2007-12-08 00:00:00 | by No_purpose | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem was quick and to the point. I like how you went with the "I am not ok" point of view. How you didnt try to explain it or justifie it. Now, that you are being true to yourself and to your emotions what are you going to do?
    which sometimes is the hardest thing to figure out.
    | Posted on 2007-11-28 00:00:00 | by snufthepunk28 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i agree with sanctityexposed. i love how simple and to the point it is. there's no room for other interpretation it's just the reality of what you have been handed. i know this feeling and can relate. i wouldnt make any changes to this piece. DEFINETLY a fav!
    | Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by withouthope | [ Reply to This ]
      Very simple, very to-the-point. I love how it goes from "Hmm, I think I'll be fine" to "Who am I kidding!?" Good job on this one.
    | Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by SanctityExposed | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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