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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Taxicab Funeral Part Idots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SanctityExposed
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 48/66/40
    Words: 1199
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 804
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 7098



    Description:
       Just an excerpt from a short story I plan to continue.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTaxicab Funeral Part Idots
    -------------------------------------------


    [September 18th, 2:03 a.m.] As I saunter the streets of New York, I find nothing more appealing than the smell of the street after a crime-bound night. Sirens ravage the never sleeping air and play a sweet, melancholy tune to my ear. Where there's coppers, there's trouble. Stepping off the curb to stroll down an adjacent alley, Italian leather boots thud heavily against the damp pavement, just managing to corner a puddle of dirty rain water. I take to the night quite well, and it suits me, for I look as if the nightlife is the high life.

    Bound in an Armani BOSS suit, lightweight pinstriped wool, dark in color. I relay...well, anything but undesirable. You really have to face the facts here, I was a reknown Lord of a rather large kingdom near Averette. The women were substantially subdued by my air of charm. It helps to be devastatingly handsome. In this day and age, though, the female kin of things tend to be a little more, how to say? Hard to woo? They've begun to think for themselves, eventstill...the game is worth playing.

    In any case, my journey through dark alleyways and precarious streets isn't mine alone, tonight it would become someone else's story too. I feel it, in my fingers, which withdraw a pack of cigarettes from an inside pocket. Fluid transitions cause a butt against my lips, a book of matches palmed, and finally...lit. Inhaling deeply, I sought the tobacco into one hand, pocketing the matches and pack.

    The only hardship of sharing a night with a wanderer, was finding an interesting one. Beggars and homeless were naught of my liking, speaking of which, pale eyes draw onto an older man. Pausing, I kneel to him, ash-colored tresses falling into my ever-so-brilliant green eyes. Words aren't really necessary when communicating with the needy, an outstretched hand with some sort of tattered cloth wrapped around it-- is about as close as you can get to "Give me something."

    Ergo, I gave him something, continuing my story whilst I dab away drops of crimson from the corners of my lips. Preferably, it was in sport, not for consumeable need. I have a serious doubt that another one of his "bag buddies" is going to notice his absence. In either case, I literally couldn't care less. Blood taken for greater use is better than blood spilled for careless rage. Another drag of my cigarette would do justice for the time being, a quick flick of my fingers sending it into the wet sides of the alley.

    In this very alley is where my story shall begin, ah what the night it would prove to be. I settle a shoulder against the corner of the building, my eyes locked on the door ahead of me, a dazed smile crawling across my face...

    [September 17th, 12:26 a.m.] Emerging onto the exiting street, I come to find a group of people gathered around a doorway. Hmm, a club back entrance no doubt, could be interesting. I'm not really one to just leave without saying hello to the masses. I coolly made my way towards the dissipating crowd, a slight annoyance probably obvious on my marble complexion.

    A few people, younger I saw, made their way back inside the building. That left two women, a younger looking male and an overly drunk nuisance who stumbled in a non-important direction. Plastering a "I'm awfully too cheery for this conversation" smile onto my full lips, I offered a heart-melting grin. The women paused their conversation to regard me, as I was standing naught but a foot from their elbow. The male, who quickly was becoming an arrogant son of a bitch with his callous glares, simply stood there.

    "Good evening, my darling ladies." I crooned, draping an arm about the woman closest to my left, a wave of sweet amber came from her hair as the breeze adjusted. My eyes captured her face, trailing over her slightly upturned nose, to fall upon a thin upper lip. A Monroe piercing caught my eye moreso, a hardly audible sigh pressing my lungs.

    All I could hear was giggling from this all-too-abiding redhead; when my heavy gaze turned to address the other woman, I was met with distrust. It was quite rattling, for I'm really used to the whole "goo in the palm of my hand" kind of thing. Quite interesting. I kept this woman's eyes with my own for a brief moment, her piercing blues stirring an excitement in my gut. Without assistance, the male whom I'd forgotten about so carelessly, piped up.

    "Can we help you? We were having a sort of private conversation." I tore my attention from this mystery woman, and regarded the man coldly. The thick, sensual smile I had previously, quickly withdrew into a sneer. Taking my arm from the still giggling girl, I moved forward, only to drape it along his narrow shoulders. He made a sound as to argue, but the extreme strength I shoved into his frame made him think twice. Turning to walk with me, I offered a backward glance to the girls, who were now talking amongst themselves. Strange..."blue eyes" had her arms crossed in a fortified manner, her berating scrutiny not leaving me. Something definitely worth looking into.

    Jackass walked roughly along with my long strides, only to stop soon thereafter. The corner of the building proved more suitable than I'd first thought. The sordid sneer I kept was menacing it seemed, for the man quickly looked away from my eager stare. "Tell me," I cooed darkly, lowering my head to look at him, "just how long did you think it would take to get one of those girls to fuck you?" The surprise that ran across his face wasn't genuine, for he was as guilty as a whore caught in the bed of a businessman.

    "I have no idea what you're talking about, you son of a bitch." He turned to go, but I quickly slammed a hand against the brick to stop his heed. "The fuck man? We're just trying to have a fun night!" I laughed then, lecherously, head upward in jest.

    "Mmm, fun." With one quick shuffle, I had pinned him harshly against the wall, having dug into his pocket to pull out a clear vial. "Too bad you've got to get them to pass out first. Really says something about you." One swift jerk upwards, I had easily collided my hand with his temple, a whimpered moan passing through his gaping mouth. Guiding him down to the ground, I set him up against the wall, his head slumped as if he were drunk. Straightening, I turned to head back to my adoring company, only to be startled by none other but "blue eyes" herself.

    "I know what you are..." she whispered. Fire, fire in her eyes and those trembling lips. Mmm, pink-lemonade flavored gloss, wonder how that would taste in a ravaging heat of the moment. My green eyes smiled at her, stepping forward to nearly touch her with my broad chest.

    "I believe you."




    Submitted on 2007-11-26 17:27:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      *blinks* Wait...it's not real???

    You drew me in from the first sentence, and never let me go until the end. It's very well written, and looks at a vampire's life from another angle.

    I can't wait to read the rest!
    | Posted on 2008-01-11 00:00:00 | by DemonicInk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an amazingly captivating take on Vampire stories (believe me i've read a lot of Vampire novels in my time). I personally think I enjoy this more then the other series of novels i've read, and wish this was longer (even if there is a part 2 now lol). You really paint the picture of the nightlife well, you tell a story with all the background and suspense I desire. If I was to have a small nit-pick, it would be over the issue of the actual traits of the Vampire have been downplayed. Theres very little description of actual "sucking blood" or things of that nature, and personally its supposed to be such sensual act you expect descriptives like taste/smell/feel involved. Anyways, give that a thought, and kudos on good writing. Ill give part 2 a read through soon, you can expect a comment on it as well.
    | Posted on 2008-01-09 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it! It's great. Please make part 2 soon!
    | Posted on 2007-12-04 00:00:00 | by OneWithTheHorse | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, everyone does a vampire story. And Lord of The Rings has been re-written countless thousands of times, but people still flock to those D&D books and Eragon.

    A cliché is not a bad thing, a poorly executed one is.

    This is not poorly executed, and I don't even know if it cliché.

    I have only two gripes about this writing;

    1."They've begun to think for themselves though, eventstill...the game is worth playing."

    This sentence would do better without ‘though’. It interrupts the so far perfect flow of the narrative.

    2."…though when my awfully heavy gaze turned…"

    Again, just another unnecessary word interrupting the intrigue of the story, and character I find myself quickly falling in love with. The word 'awfully' is the offender here.

    I hope you continue this intriguing narrative, I look forward to seeing how it wraps up.

    -LJS
    | Posted on 2007-11-28 00:00:00 | by Flynn | [ Reply to This ]
      Well written all around. I'm not much for vampire stories these days. They're too played out and overdone. Unless you have an amazing twist, something never done, I wouldn't bother.

    I say this as an Anne Rice lover, someone who set their clock by Buffy, and used to dream of being a vamp. If you continue this in a way I could never imagine, then bravo.

    Like I said earlier though, I really enjoyed the writing. It read pretty fast as well, so you're good at propelling the story along. I advise giving this a twist no one could ever see coming. Even if you stick with the tradtional vamp in love stuff, if the turn is original enough it won't matter.

    Best O Luck.
    | Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by ruinedsnapshots | [ Reply to This ]


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