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    dots Submission Name: Finding Asylumdots

    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 773

       I feel reborn writing this. I feel as if I'm finally letting go.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFinding Asylumdots

    We walked the roads of love,
    hand in bloody hand.
    Like cutting feathers from a dove,
    surprised I can still stand.
    Scars on my leg,
    wounds on my shoulder,
    scabs on my mind,
    heart growing colder.
    Suicidal imbecile with
    a penchant for pain.
    Foolish and vain as I was,
    my body I let you maim.
    Your fists are knives
    trying to end my life.
    Yet the pain and blood was bliss,
    almost like a loving kiss.
    Ravishing the longing for
    the ignorance and the numb.
    Took the wrong way out,
    trying to find asylum.
    I do not miss those days
    when I thought you a friend.
    I will never walk love's road
    with the razor blade again.

    Submitted on 2007-11-26 19:43:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I don't feel like it would be right to critique anything this personal and strongly felt.

    I'll say this-
    It's a beautiful piece, and I like the way it describes the romantic relationship between a person and their knife.
    The only thing that bothered me was how in some places the rhyme seemed forced. It's still fine just the way it is, though.
    It's not an especially original topic, but it's a personal one, and you did an excellent job of making it your own and staying away from clichés.

    Many kudos.

    | Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by Puzzle_d_Box | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it it was short but very emotional and a lot of ppl can probably relate to it, i know i can. also, i like the title,
    to me, it seemed as though the narrorator has decided to stop indulging herself with unstable thought, or mental illness, which is something very very seductive, and decided to start accepting reality

    it reminded me of the novel: i never promised you a rose garden, which you should read:)

    anyway good job lol
    | Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by SYnesthesiA_WaR | [ Reply to This ]
      'Anna Who Was Mad'

    Anna who was mad,
    I have a knife in my armpit.
    When I stand on tiptoe I tap out messages.
    Am I some sort of infection?
    Did I make you go insane?
    Did I make the sounds go sour?
    Did I tell you to climb out the window?
    Forgive. Forgive.
    Say not I did.
    Say not.

    Speak Mary-words into our pillow.
    Take me the gangling twelve-year-old
    into your sunken lap.
    Whisper like a buttercup.
    Eat me. Eat me up like cream pudding.
    Take me in.
    Take me.

    Give me a report on the condition of my soul.
    Give me a complete statement of my actions.
    Hand me a jack-in-the-pulpit and let me listen in.
    Put me in the stirrups and bring a tour group through.
    Number my sins on the grocery list and let me buy.
    Did I make you go insane?
    Did I turn up your earphone and let a siren drive through?
    Did I open the door for the mustached psychiatrist
    who dragged you out like a gold cart?
    Did I make you go insane?
    From the grave write me, Anna!
    You are nothing but ashes but nevertheless
    pick up the Parker Pen I gave you.
    Write me.

    Anne Sexton

    It seems to me that you were this 'Anna' before. I was just reading Sexton and felt like sharing this with you... and... I think I meant to reciprocate with a comment ages ago but never did, for some reason probably to do with sheer laziness.

    I guess... I just wanted to nod and smile in your direction, in that you've found your way out of that mess. To be reborn and taste life... isn't that what we all want secretly?


    | Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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