[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Dystrophydots

    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 506
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 643


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She weakens,
    To sight like she,
    Collapses on the floor
    I watch her fall,
    Right there,
    As so many times before,

    I think, maybe she's okay,
    But bruised up,
    Maybe she's not,
    Now that I see her,
    With a scar, cut,
    And lately, a clot.

    It see her shake it off,
    So it rmends me,
    Of hope
    That we all fal sometimes,
    But I've got,
    This view up close,

    To see with my eyes,
    Living proof,
    Of real health,
    The Life isn't the body,
    Life is You.

    Submitted on 2007-11-27 13:37:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      That was enjoyable, I like the way you almost slowed down time and turned something relativily banal into a deep thought. I hope to see more of your poems. The quick change of ideals was also effective eg

    "So it rmends me,
    Of hope"

    then to :

    " The Life isn't the body,
    Life is You."

    great job,

    phil (Dead Bell)
    | Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by Dead Bell | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wavelength written by saartha
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]