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    dots Submission Name: The World of Paindots

    Author: S.A.M.
    ASL Info:    26/f/xx
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 476/419/137
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 915

       something I wrote in Creative Writing that went over well. Thought I'd share. Please comment, thank you & enjoy.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe World of Paindots

    Caught somewhere between this world and the next
    unable to move or even scream
    yet my body moves fluidly through motions
    of everyday life.
    Hand in hand, it burns the soul
    suppress the scream with your arm
    resting upon my shoulder.
    Within this crape-paper coffin
    hidden crystals slide down invisible cheeks.
    close dead eyes upon a crimson scene,
    emotions slowly ripping the stitching of flesh.
    Unheard screams locked within a led-iron box,
    see past ivory words
    to find the reality trapped beneath.
    Distorted fairy tales and nursery rhymes,
    Cinderella slit her wrists,
    “hush little baby, mommy took your knife.”
    Fall back against a sea of blood
    happily drown beneath the granite waves.
    Unwanted breathing slows
    the rhythm fades. . .
    nothing ----

    Submitted on 2007-11-28 09:00:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      OK, i re-read this poem, and forget what i said! I want this poem for our teacher Mr. Rasnake. OK if I read it in there? It will have proper credit.

    Love Eternaly,
    | Posted on 2008-09-17 00:00:00 | by faded color | [ Reply to This ]
      The feeling was well expressed, there's no denying that. But it is very hard these days to release a piece like this without it suffering from a planet-sized bombardement of clichés.
    | Posted on 2007-12-06 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem alot. If anything, I would probably take the last line out, the "nothing", but thats just me. Awesome poem though! Love you!
    | Posted on 2007-12-05 00:00:00 | by faded color | [ Reply to This ]
      dont cut

    | Posted on 2007-11-29 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I know this feeling very well. The feeling of not being real, and moving through life as if it were a dream. Life gets that way some times. Sometimes, I get so lost that I have to do things to bring me back to reality. I do them and then I see a little bit more.

    good write.
    | Posted on 2007-11-28 00:00:00 | by red_summer | [ Reply to This ]

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