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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Special.Lovly.Beautiful.Happydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mr.Ordinary
    ASL Info:    21/M/Navy
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 64/102/41
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 928
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 279



    Description:
       i wrote this about four months ago i dont know why i never posted it. i love it. short simple and everyone can see what i was thinking. at least so i hope...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpecial.Lovly.Beautiful.Happydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lovely eyes, Lovely eyes
    See me by your side

    Happy smile, Happy smile
    I love you while you smile

    Beautiful may, Beautiful may
    I love you every day

    Special girl, Special girl
    You mean the world to me




    Submitted on 2007-11-30 13:46:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It was sweet and simple. It was very well written, but I would've changed some of the wording around to help the flow. For example,


    "Happy Smile, Happy Smile.
    I'll love it all the while."

    It's still getting the point across that you love that smile, but you're not rhyming smile with smile.
    Also,

    "Special girl, Special girl.
    To me, you mean the world."

    You're still saying she's the world to you, but not throwing the flow off with extra words after the rhyming word. Sorry to be so nit picky, but I was throwing in my opinion. Nice job, I can see the radiating from this poem. Keep up the great work, and I'll keep reading.

    »MIss MIsery«
    | Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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