Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Special.Lovly.Beautiful.Happydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mr.Ordinary
    ASL Info:    21/M/Navy
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 64/102/41
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 279



    Description:
       i wrote this about four months ago i dont know why i never posted it. i love it. short simple and everyone can see what i was thinking. at least so i hope...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpecial.Lovly.Beautiful.Happydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lovely eyes, Lovely eyes
    See me by your side

    Happy smile, Happy smile
    I love you while you smile

    Beautiful may, Beautiful may
    I love you every day

    Special girl, Special girl
    You mean the world to me




    Submitted on 2007-11-30 13:46:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It was sweet and simple. It was very well written, but I would've changed some of the wording around to help the flow. For example,


    "Happy Smile, Happy Smile.
    I'll love it all the while."

    It's still getting the point across that you love that smile, but you're not rhyming smile with smile.
    Also,

    "Special girl, Special girl.
    To me, you mean the world."

    You're still saying she's the world to you, but not throwing the flow off with extra words after the rhyming word. Sorry to be so nit picky, but I was throwing in my opinion. Nice job, I can see the radiating from this poem. Keep up the great work, and I'll keep reading.

    »MIss MIsery«
    | Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    153769

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry