I’ve got broken loose fingers
Hardened on the tips
Now I know the flavor
Of overtime
And the dreaded double shift
I now know where you spent most of my life
It explains a lot
Do you know why only I return your calls?
Don’t pretend I don’t know what it was like
I know sacrifice
I know the onion layered grease
And the diamond hard grime in the corner
I know
Voices lost in the roaring flood of hungry mouths
Don’t pretend I don’t know what its like
To work for no thanks
Don’t pretend I don’t know what I’m talking about
And don’t use baby talk when you address me
Because before I could piggyback you
I had to let go of my childhood
So save the goo goo talk for your inner child
I’m sure he’ll suck on it like a swollen tit
It took you forty odd years to realize god
And it’s like a thousand and one paper cuts
To hear you play preacher
To a congregation that knows exactly where
You hide your crutches
Like in music and your hard drive
Like in work and the shelf in the closet
Like in you and in me
And you leaned on each one more than the last
And it’s a wibble wobble limp without the crutch
A sad petty strut that tells too much
And it’s the way you tie the gauze
That gives you away
It’s the way your splints crooked
That gives you away
But it’s the stare, the glare
That makes me nervous
It’s the tremor in your voice
That gives me guilt
Your addiction was born into me
It’s a blood disease that affects the knees
Knees buckle
Sweat trickles
A sand paper tongue and bowed head
But you already knew that
Right?
Now I sleep upright
And starch my knees
Because I learned
Submission is not mastery
It scares the would be out of me
To see you run
To see you steal
To see you stare in front of your kids
To see you stare like a complete kid
Complete with toys
Rattling for attention
But I would never take them away
And you know this
Which is why, I guess, you always call my bluff
And it is never enough
To make you smile
It is never enough
To make me turn my back
And that’s the best part
That is the thorn in my heel
And the stitch in my side
The very same thing you ridiculed me for
Is the same thing keeping you human
There are still days you can catch me
Smashing mirrors
Grinding the shards to sand
And snorting the dust
I don’t need cards or condolences
I don’t need you to help me walk
I am not a victim
This was needed
This was a flash flood on dry land
Glass without the sand
A beating heart held by steady hand
A reused needle with vaccine inside
An oxygen tank leaking pesticide
An all too needed future self homicide
I stand on swollen toes
This is where I grow
Underneath the nail
Underneath the hail
Is where I sing
I sing songs of refused band-aids
I sing songs of putting down the dog
I sing songs of an inner child left behind
In the dust
No regret
With a smile plastered to my face
And it’s true
I leaned
It’s true
I hid my own
It’s true
I walked limp legged with one of your favorites
And its not about what gets you through the day
And its not about whether or not we agree
It’s the escape hatch in the attic
It’s the envy of your sons
Its how you’ve fotgotten how to walk
But you stand
Like a rock among crippled gods
While I fall like a man among mortals
And I fall
To learn to break the need
And with sand in my nose
And a promise to myself
In my shoes
Pricking my toes
I’ll wait for the day
When we can both stand
On our own
Alone
Submission Name: Crutch Talk
