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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Like The Starsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LadyInRed88
    ASL Info:    19/f/MO
    Elite Ratio:    3.68 - 131/180/32
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 676
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1500



    Description:
       This is a pretty simple one about looking back on a great love that led to extreme heartache.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike The Starsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silver moonbeams dripped through my foggy window,
    And no streetlights glittered down below...
    I saw only an image of us beneath the tree you carved our love into-
    As I watched with passion dancing in my eyes,
    And peachblossoms in my windblown hair.
    Do you remember the way the stars sang me to sleep that night and the angels curled me up inside your arms??
    [I remember it as if I were still in that moment-
    Smelling your skin and tasting your kiss.]

    Loneliness paints the night sky black-
    With silver dewdrops that some call dreams...
    In the back of my heart I still carry the dream that you gave to me,
    Back when *passion* wasn't just a word-
    But a feeling that burned like fire inside us both...
    For oh, that night I felt it burning
    When we slowdanced as the sky came falling down...
    And you know, I guess that night we ALL were falling-
    For the stars fell down from heaven,
    And I fell for you just like the stars...

    But oh sweet love, *you* fell the hardest,
    [As you fell out of love with me.]

    And now that time has melted our love away,
    In my dreams I still smell those peachblossoms and see the shadows dance across your precious face...
    [But mostly I think of those stars that fell along with my shattered heart,
    and the way they met their earthbound fate.]








    Submitted on 2004-06-24 23:23:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I savored this piece like the last piece of pecan pie on Thanksgiving when you know you're not going to make another one for a whole year.
    Well, not that that's really that good of a description, but in other words, I really liked it.
    The romance felt real to me, I thought you escaped most of the love clichés which is rare.
    And you sort of put out your feelings out there ina honest, breathing way which made it readable. I liked the lines in brackets. It was sort of the intimate whisper of the poem.

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      hm... i'm impressed. normally, i'm not one to be a fan of romance in literature, though i do write it sometimes. but your piece has touched me. i like.
    congrats, you've found your way to my fav list
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      This work of art is truely awesome quality...Im awed, by the word choices, the style, the ways that you spoke your sentences were just so fragrant and so qualified...They had everything that I can possibly imagine and dream of of what one of my love poems would have...Great job
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Very desrcriptive. Images o happiness came to me, but also sadness. The poem seemed divided into stages which I liked and found unique. Thanks for commenting on mine.
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
      "When we slowdanced as the sky came falling down...
    And you know, I guess that night we ALL were falling-
    For the stars fell down from heaven,
    And I fell for you just like the stars..."
    just, wow, absolutely wondrous and striking, but especially those two last lines, mm.
    "But mostly I think of those stars that fell along with my shattered heart,
    and the way they met their earthbound fate."
    Very well thought up.
    The whole poem shows genuine bittersweetness. Sweet because you've had a wonderful love, and bitter because it fell apart, with pain and wounds. *Hugs* I'm sorry, hun. It's life though, and it's wonderful that you didn't write this with anger, I mean some people would write about taking vengeance or something among, but you made melancholy seem so beautiful. Did I make sense? I love this very much, goes to my favorites.
    Ps: welcome to eliteskills, enjoy your stay
    Take care
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      The only thing I really don't like about this is the line
    "For oh, that night I felt it burning"
    I also think you could condense the lines after "we all were falling-"
    the stars from heaven
    and I for you but ...

    how about time has *eroded* our love away.
    I'm don't think you really need that last line in parenthesis. I think it weakens the end.
    Overall, I like this piece alot. The language, word choices, the feeling. Very nice work!
    | Posted on 2004-07-17 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]



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