Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Child of a breakdowndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: D-Ink
    Elite Ratio:    1.38 - 81/59/58
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 897
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 966



    Description:
       comments are welcomed


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChild of a breakdowndots
    -------------------------------------------



    I am a child of a breakdown.
    I stammered and gritted my teeth
    when the walls were a pale shade of grey.


    I am a child of a breakdown.
    I had dreams...I had hope
    till the world turned black.


    I am a child of a breakdown.
    Mummy's absent, daddy too.
    Was this supposed to happen?


    I am a child of a breakdown.
    I wondered and had visions
    of glasses thrown askew.


    I am a child of a breakdown.
    The day I felt pain and esctatic pleasure
    was the day when blood and death mingled.


    I am a child of a breakdown.
    I was made to die, saying goodbye
    when I first smelled earth.


    I am a child of a breakdown.
    I'm writing this to tell you
    I've got nothing more to lose.


    Because I was a child of a breakdown.




    Submitted on 2007-12-01 19:39:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      really good....with all due respect though, instead of mummy and daddy, it would sound better if you said mother and father, but other than that it has good detail and seems optimistic.
    | Posted on 2007-12-03 00:00:00 | by knudson18 | [ Reply to This ]
      good poem!
    | Posted on 2007-12-02 00:00:00 | by Nessyjane | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    153826

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Carry written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Fasade written by jackz
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Shi written by ShyOne
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry