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Liquid Confidence


Author: Inkybro
ASL Info:    17/M/Oklahoma
Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 55 /69 /39
Words: 70
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1147
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 460



Description:


I love how this one flows.

Written while (very much) under the influence of alochol.

Pay close attention to the fact that the rhythm actually changes, adding a really interesting subtle effect.


Liquid Confidence



How you treat me so
I could tell the world
Exactly what I'm feeling
Because I don't have feelings
I am numb to the fact
Dumb and in fact
I am drunk but in fact
I have reason to relax
And I'm plenty wise
When I feel this way
I feel this way
I wish everyday
Could be this way
Or do I think
I'm just indeed
Drunk
Drunk
Drunk




Submitted on 2007-12-01 23:37:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I loved this. Gosh the rhyme is just flabbergasting.... One of the alluring things about this piece was the fact that you describe yourself as being wasted and it actually shows through when one's reading the poem. Additionally, I got the impression, and correct me if am wrong, that you were also emulating the idea/movement of being drinking.... it's just awesome.... it reminds me of this one poem I read at the university which is called "The Charge of the Light Brigade" where the rhyme patter coveys the soldiers’ steps towards their death the effect is just as striking as it could be! .....Moreover, the format of the write, of you write, resembles a bottle, at least from where I am standing that was really really scintillating!

As to critiques, you might want to consider adding some punctuation so as to sharpen the effect that the poem has on the reader's mind, so to speak.


What a great piece!
Fabulous!


Keep on posting!


Ethan
| Posted on 2007-12-15 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
  i really enjoyed this piece because i know the feelings of how a substance can take away so much mentally that you become more and more tranquilized by its essence. i think my favorite part was

"I am numb to the fact
Dumb and in fact
I am drunk but in fact
I have reason to relax"

because i also had an ex who was an alcoholic and your writing has really opened my eyes..definetly a fav...again
| Posted on 2007-12-03 00:00:00 | by withouthope | [ Reply to This ]
  Do your play anything. Guitar maybe. If can feel and hear a rythem change a rift change should complament your writing style.
That is if you do indeed play. I think you would be able to pull a lot from your words and emotions if you played.
Wishing to be drunk to feel freedom is costly.
"I am drunk but in fact
I have reason to relax
And I'm plenty wise"
I believe that it is a way to fade away. Today is to find our way, but tonight is to drink and fade away. I do enjoy your write.
| Posted on 2007-12-03 00:00:00 | by snufthepunk28 | [ Reply to This ]


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