Description: #1 of several versions, my first major foray into yet anohter form of poetry i havent really touched base with. If you read this, be sure to read #2 and so on as i post them
I could kiss your breath away
yet not breathe without your smile
I could leave you without a word to say
and still melt when you whisper my name
I could make love to you by candlelight
until the wee hours of dawn
only to sleep the day away
embracing you
There's a lot of kissing going on. She must be forever smiling to keep you breathing. But how is she to smile if you kiss her breath away or even whisper your name. How are you to embrace her when you are sleepinng? Aside from my silly comment , I get the jest of what's going on. You and she must have pretty sore lips. LOL. This is a very catchy piece which any gal would be desirous of. Don't pen her down too much while you are sleeping. She may say,"Hey, let me breathe" (another LOL.)
I liked it. I notice your lack of punctuation, but, that's fine since you have formatted in such a way that there are automatic stop words that take the place of punctuate.
I liked it, I’m sure any women will crumble in your arms if you read this to her. This is a true declaration of your love. The poem really grabs one in the first line.
The only thing I didn’t like was the last line, not because of its contents but it breaks the flow of the poem. In the fourth line you made a typing error, its whisper not “whisper”
Other than that, I liked it and will keep an eye out for the rest of it.
Submission Name: Embrace #1
