Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: (Phantom) in this Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 324
    Class/Type: Prose/Romance
    Total Views: 1266
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1782



    Description:
       Written for a winter literature contest. Inspired by walking into the house and being greeted by the subtle aroma of coffee.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots(Phantom) in this Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    He admired the subtle aroma of brewing coffee beans and the low chattering of laptop keys. Amateur mass-produced paintings painstakingly decorated the walls, but the iridescence of the snowflakes meandering along the breeze outside proved to be a better distraction. He seemed to notice his surroundings more now than ever.

    The love of his short life sat waiting in a comfortable chair next to the window that illustrated the love that he felt for her through snowflakes and virgin snow and children happy and bundled from the cold. He so loved to keep her warm. She seemed to shiver as if her sweater, scarf, and a warm café weren’t efficient enough. He went to her. He caressed her hands as he moved them to hold the coffee cup at her table. He didn’t want to let go of her soft angel skin. He didn’t think he ever could.

    For just a moment he breathed in her beautiful, personal scent. As much as he tried he failed to memorize the beauty she instilled. He was briefly brought back to a point in time in some other lifetime when the two of them called in to work to instead enjoy the fresh fallen snow. She laughed like a child when she successfully hit him with a snowball. She laughed to tears when he came after her with a one of his own.

    He wasn’t there to protect her anymore.

    She left the café and headed down the deserted city sidewalk. She didn’t see the car sliding on the ice. There was no one there to see it either.

    Life is fragile like a frozen pond. She will always remember the falling snow and how warm her hands felt against her coffee cup that day.

    He blinked. The café around him was quiet and cozy. He had a feeling he was waiting for something that could never come…




    Submitted on 2007-12-02 16:00:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This made me shiver and it's not from the coldness i'm feeling right now. I loved it totally. You have a very interesting story going on. I just couldn't believe the words when i read it. It was so wonderfully drawn in my head. Every word was perfectly crafted here. You've done perfectly at the describing a romance in the middle of winter. Makes me want to cry about my boyfriend. I've just moved here to Canada and my boyfriend isn't here to protect me from the snow. I can also totally relate with the hot coffee cup and my hands. I purposefully keep hot coffee in my hands to keep it heated.

    You've got a great title and a great story, people will have to be crazy not to consider you a winner for the winter literature contest. You've won my vote.

    Cheers,

    Irina
    | Posted on 2007-12-03 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    153858

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry