Description: This is my first school-related attempt at a sonnet. I'm not sure if all the ideas in the poem reflect the title or if anything really goes together at all...
I had the ideas of like reclusiveness and your past has made you who you are and... uh... Something like that. What works and what doesn't is the main thing I'm looking for, but any and all comments are welcome
Take Back Silence -------------------------------------------
I have fallen in crimson ink on palms
And left a crescent cross around my eyes,
While pearly whites leave far behind petty qualms.
My stumblings, my mumblings if not a disguise
A tapestry to which I paint my tries
Then a frail endeavor’s canvassed veil
Seen from the inside an intricate tale.
What would I be, if not but a fool
To reflect the light so willingly shed
Reveal to you what you in me have tooled
Through the keyhole you so willingly bled
Yet crimson ink remains on both my palms
And what’s in my past is what I have done
And what I have lost is what I have won
You have a wonderful sense of cadence and word choice that makes the images pop up and be alive in my mind. The colors, I think, were chosen deliberately, but artistically speaking, find another shade of red to love and use in your works, because due to it's uncommon popularity, crimson is no longer the shade it once was, being overused as it is, and you run the risk of losing the impact you want (and the reason why you chose to use crimson in the first place). I would reconsider the punctuation here - either have more or have none at all. Punctuation in this type of poetry is of particular importance, as because of the format and rules, you have even less room to play around in but still get your meaning and message out. Don't be afraid to pose questions and group thoughts together with more periods. It'll make it easier to guide your readers to what you want to be noticed and to think about. I confess, having read this several times, I'm at a loss for what exactly you're trying to say and how it all ties into your title, "take back silence". Perhaps it's because it's a Monday and on Mondays my brain is mush. I pause here to mention how important a title can be to a piece - either making it or breaking it, so to speak. It's what captures your audience, to be sure, but it also is a focal point for your reader to come home to when they begin, when they're reading, and when they've finished and they're digesting it all. It is better to have simple words and simple meaning in a title well fit to your piece than an elaborate one that doesn't fit the piece. I'm not saying that your title didn't fit, but for your information, I thought I'd share. Overall I think you have a wonderful sonnet (a medium which maddens me to write in, so more power to ya) on your hands. Thanks for sharing. :)
Submission Name: Take Back Silence
