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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Series of Shortsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 820



    Description:
       Three short poems written on December 7th, 2006.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Series of Shortsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    -A Divine Key-

    Should you open to me any door
    the hands and feet of my heart
    would be freed from
    the terminal burden of these shackles
    I spent a turmoiled
    lifetime
    locking into place.

    ***

    -December-

    She puts cold fingers
    to her brightly smiling lips
    and laughs long and hard,
    her body an earthquake,
    remembering her frosted tears,
    how terrified she had once been,
    thinking she would never again
    laugh until she cried.

    ***

    -The Choice-

    I asked You to let someone give me a chance,
    and upon seeing the opportunous mountain,
    gave up and refused every last offer
    for the chance to reach the summit with You.




    Submitted on 2007-12-03 19:58:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      To be honest, I'm having a little trouble as I read "The Choice." Certainly the poem is not to blame....you said there was something you didn't like about it, but I'm finding it quite exquisite. It's ambiguous in a way, but not vague. I find that if I shift what I think the meaning is of just one part, it seems to shift the meaning of the whole thing, kind of like looking at a hologram from different angles...anyway, I figure the least I could do is go out on a limb and say what I possibly think it means...although I could be wrong.

    I see it as this conversation with God, very personal, very intimate, but at the same time it almost reads like an...not an ultimatum but an epitaph. It has this dissonance, it ends with the type of closure that makes one feel like there's been no closure.

    I have to admit, the word 'opportunous' sort of threw me for a loop-I've never heard that one before. Nonetheless, I get these vibes of broken promises, sorrow, regret, some kind of bowing away from grace.

    Like I said, this could all sound ridiculous and have nothing to do with what you intended. Although, if I might propose a single suggestion as to why you might not have liked this poem...I really didn't "read you" in this poem. I read you in a lot of your other work (in fact you usually just shine through), but this one was unusually distant and vacant.

    It is brilliant regardless.
    | Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cool, I got two of the "shorts" but didnt get the other but anyway im not going to explain them to you because I could end up looking silly. I like to see poems like this they are much more interesing than the usual. I especially enjoyed the imagery in "December". I hope to see more of your work and ideas.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2007-12-04 00:00:00 | by Dead Bell | [ Reply to This ]


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