A Series of Shorts by Jester

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: A Series of Shorts dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Jester_Gesture
ASL Info:	23/f
Elite Ratio:	3.41 - 365/459/201
Words:	116

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	1050
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	820

Description:
Three short poems written on December 7th, 2006.

A Series of Shorts dots

-------------------------------------------

-A Divine Key-

Should you open to me any door
the hands and feet of my heart
would be freed from
the terminal burden of these shackles
I spent a turmoiled
lifetime
locking into place.

***

-December-

She puts cold fingers
to her brightly smiling lips
and laughs long and hard,
her body an earthquake,
remembering her frosted tears,
how terrified she had once been,
thinking she would never again
laugh until she cried.

***

-The Choice-

I asked You to let someone give me a chance,
and upon seeing the opportunous mountain,
gave up and refused every last offer
for the chance to reach the summit with You.

Submitted on 2007-12-03 19:58:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
To be honest, I'm having a little trouble as I read "The Choice." Certainly the poem is not to blame....you said there was something you didn't like about it, but I'm finding it quite exquisite. It's ambiguous in a way, but not vague. I find that if I shift what I think the meaning is of just one part, it seems to shift the meaning of the whole thing, kind of like looking at a hologram from different angles...anyway, I figure the least I could do is go out on a limb and say what I possibly think it means...although I could be wrong.

I see it as this conversation with God, very personal, very intimate, but at the same time it almost reads like an...not an ultimatum but an epitaph. It has this dissonance, it ends with the type of closure that makes one feel like there's been no closure.

I have to admit, the word 'opportunous' sort of threw me for a loop-I've never heard that one before. Nonetheless, I get these vibes of broken promises, sorrow, regret, some kind of bowing away from grace.

Like I said, this could all sound ridiculous and have nothing to do with what you intended. Although, if I might propose a single suggestion as to why you might not have liked this poem...I really didn't "read you" in this poem. I read you in a lot of your other work (in fact you usually just shine through), but this one was unusually distant and vacant.

It is brilliant regardless.

| Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
This is cool, I got two of the "shorts" but didnt get the other but anyway im not going to explain them to you because I could end up looking silly. I like to see poems like this they are much more interesing than the usual. I especially enjoyed the imagery in "December". I hope to see more of your work and ideas.

Phil
| Posted on 2007-12-04 00:00:00 | by Dead Bell | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

153907

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
The Promise written by annie0888
To written by SavedDragon
I will call out your name written by RisingSon
Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
Wish written by Daniel Barlow
Date night written by expiring_touch
Summer written by layDsayD
Trails written by Daniel Barlow
Song written by Daniel Barlow
Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
Incubus written by monad
cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
untitled written by Chelebel
Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
This written by Chelebel
Wasps written by Wolfwatching
Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
Giving written by jjd
Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
Pressure written by hybridsongwrite

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.