[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A Series of Shortsdots

    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1011
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 820

       Three short poems written on December 7th, 2006.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Series of Shortsdots

    -A Divine Key-

    Should you open to me any door
    the hands and feet of my heart
    would be freed from
    the terminal burden of these shackles
    I spent a turmoiled
    locking into place.



    She puts cold fingers
    to her brightly smiling lips
    and laughs long and hard,
    her body an earthquake,
    remembering her frosted tears,
    how terrified she had once been,
    thinking she would never again
    laugh until she cried.


    -The Choice-

    I asked You to let someone give me a chance,
    and upon seeing the opportunous mountain,
    gave up and refused every last offer
    for the chance to reach the summit with You.

    Submitted on 2007-12-03 19:58:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      To be honest, I'm having a little trouble as I read "The Choice." Certainly the poem is not to blame....you said there was something you didn't like about it, but I'm finding it quite exquisite. It's ambiguous in a way, but not vague. I find that if I shift what I think the meaning is of just one part, it seems to shift the meaning of the whole thing, kind of like looking at a hologram from different angles...anyway, I figure the least I could do is go out on a limb and say what I possibly think it means...although I could be wrong.

    I see it as this conversation with God, very personal, very intimate, but at the same time it almost reads like an...not an ultimatum but an epitaph. It has this dissonance, it ends with the type of closure that makes one feel like there's been no closure.

    I have to admit, the word 'opportunous' sort of threw me for a loop-I've never heard that one before. Nonetheless, I get these vibes of broken promises, sorrow, regret, some kind of bowing away from grace.

    Like I said, this could all sound ridiculous and have nothing to do with what you intended. Although, if I might propose a single suggestion as to why you might not have liked this poem...I really didn't "read you" in this poem. I read you in a lot of your other work (in fact you usually just shine through), but this one was unusually distant and vacant.

    It is brilliant regardless.
    | Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cool, I got two of the "shorts" but didnt get the other but anyway im not going to explain them to you because I could end up looking silly. I like to see poems like this they are much more interesing than the usual. I especially enjoyed the imagery in "December". I hope to see more of your work and ideas.

    | Posted on 2007-12-04 00:00:00 | by Dead Bell | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    the living moment written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    AI written by poetotoe
    True Death written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love written by saartha
    Cover written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Push written by JanePlane
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]