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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Patheticdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tabris
    ASL Info:    17 male australia
    Elite Ratio:    2 - 7/6/6
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Death
    Total Views: 1040
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1412



    Description:
       I loved her
    And it meant nothing


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPatheticdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm waiting for you again
    Each day I'm always there
    Waiting for you to speak
    Waiting for you to make me feel

    You never knew what you were
    I never understood happiness
    Hate was my world
    Hate was my lover

    And then you brought me back
    From a world of flames and a prison of fury
    You took my hand
    And led me to a place where I belonged

    And then I was afraid
    What if you should let me go?
    What if I wasn't good enough?
    And so I begged

    Like a pathetic little kitten
    I curled in your lap and mewled
    I clung as tight as I could and said
    "Please don't leave me"

    And you sat and smiled
    "I promise I'll never leave you"
    The sweet things you did
    The sweet things you said

    And I smiled and felt at ease
    Never again would I need to fear
    You were there for me
    You protected me

    What happened?
    What did it feel like?

    I failed you
    I know that much

    Why did you go?
    Why didn't you tell me?

    Why didn't I save you?

    Please never leave me
    I begged you
    I swore to do whatever you wanted

    You left me
    I'm sorry




    Submitted on 2007-12-04 02:00:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      We've all felt this way sometime or another, and it really sucks when stuff like this happens. Getting it all out on paper really helps. You did a great job putting it all out there. But poetry has form and I feel like this poem is lacking in some areas... it doesn't flow and the stanzas are kinda weird... I think you should go back and put this up as a rant or something of the sort.
    Very nice read! It takes me back...

    Drop me a comment...
    Britt
    | Posted on 2007-12-06 00:00:00 | by CaughtRedhanded | [ Reply to This ]
      The simplicity of this almost made me cry. I've been down this road before, only I could never really tell the person I liked my true feelings. This was a nice read. Hope to see more....

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2007-12-05 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    153918

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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