Well, with a subject all as common as this, things really need to just stick out at me in a blinding way for it to really mean something. I guess I'm just not convinced by it. It doesn't necessarily feel "unoriginal," but it feels like it doesn't give much regard to it's flow and personality.
Of the "why don't I just die" genre, this is pretty good. The imagery of you smiling as the crimson color hit the floor is intriguingly disconcerting. Words were chosen well enough, even if it at some points it seems more like whining than emoting.
When you say in a wooden hell, are you referring to a casket? If you are, I like the metaphor. Reminds me of this old horror flick I saw, The Serpent and the Rainbow where a voodoo powder paralyzes a person to the point where he seemed dead. He was buried alive, completely aware of his funeral. As they closed the lid, a tear slipped out of his eye. That is what I'd consider a wooden hell.
Horror flicks aside, longing for death is a power feeling yet this doesn't have any of that power, it's more of an apathy/discontent with life. I think the events that lead to these emotions would make for a more engaging poem, instead of just focusing on the emotion itself.
Submission Name: Better in the Ground
