Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Earth That Parts to Seadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WolfStar
    ASL Info:    26/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.85 - 119/130/46
    Words: 211
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 742
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1324



    Description:
       Lost.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Earth That Parts to Seadots
    -------------------------------------------


    The question lies listless in a lulling sea,
    beyond the reach of time or second chances:
    a question of you,
    a question of me,
    here on broken promised land
    where earth now parts to sea.

    I dare not even say the word
    lest it all now fall
    beneath the weight,
    as you have fallen far from home,
    as I have fallen into dissonance.

    One word now leaves a world ever lost,
    closed to backwards glances;
    I took a lighted train that night
    and now cannot return.

    I never knew the lasts were lasts
    until I woke le lendemain
    without any place to be.
    I was a stranger in a foreign land,
    mute in a flood of chatter,
    far from all that knew my skin
    or the song that made me dance.

    I cannot turn back
    from whence I was cast
    but neither can I stay;
    I am a traveler of the sorriest sort,
    knowing home with every step
    but searching all the world.

    I seek and settle
    here and there,
    one night in one place,
    one life in another.

    There is everywhere to go
    and nowhere else to be;
    I wander
    on broken promised land
    where earth now parts to sea.




    Submitted on 2007-12-04 13:00:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i came back.

    your first stanza is stunning
    the way it introduces the whole situation seems so seamless to me.
    simply stunning


    beyond the reach of time or second chances:
    a question of you,
    a question of me,

    which is further away? time or second chances?
    which is more feesible? turn back time or have another chance? neither seem to pan out the way we would want/hope/wish/dream.

    a question of you
    a question of me

    indicates there are two people.
    two become one as the whole relationship line goes but sometimes we fail to question ourselves/each other on an inidividual basis.
    and when things are over... definately


    the earth parting to sea... allusion to moses parting the red sea


    as you have fallen far from home,
    as I have fallen into dissonance.

    falling. everyone has to fall into something.
    this far from home thing... makes me think of a soldier gone to war and such...

    as for dissonance... i checked out what dictionary.com had to say about it coz i wanted make sure i was on the right page and this is what it had to say [which i think is truely beautiful]:

    a simultaneous combination of tones conventionally accepted as being in a state of unrest and needing completion.

    and with this definition in mind it brings a whole new glow to both the image you have used and the words you have used to create/reinforce the image.



    I cannot turn back
    from whence I was cast
    but neither can I stay;
    I am a traveler of the sorriest sort,
    knowing home with every step
    but searching all the world.

    the honesty and unrest of this stanza reaches me where i am at today. a traveller of the sorriest sort... interesting line.

    i really am in awe of this piece.
    i have returned 4 times to finish my comment and have had life drag me away but i had to come back and finish it and tell you how impressive this piece is.
    | Posted on 2007-12-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      the picture and the words blend together perfectly.

    broken promised land is what strikes me about this piece the most.
    the promised land... they walked 40years to reach the promised land... witnessed all kindsa miracles and tragedies and then they reach this land they have been dreaming of.

    imagine going through all that to find the land broken?

    broken promise.
    seems to be a whole lot of what life is about these days. i hate it.

    but then... broken promised land can be taken a different way too... land that has been broken in... broken into routines and ways of being and knowing. the way the feet break the sand and leave behind footprints that witness movements etc.

    eeek. i have to run but i am not done so i will return... promise.
    | Posted on 2007-12-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.

    this really rang a strong chord with me.

    lost is an awe inspiring feeling, it produces a strange, moody, inescapable sense of self awareness, and in that one finds out for themselves what it feels like to be one tiny fish in that majestic yet immeasureable sea.
    | Posted on 2007-12-04 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    153935

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The World written by jjd
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry