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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The First Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: YvonneJoyce
    ASL Info:    16, f, wa
    Elite Ratio:    2.92 - 11/13/24
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 94
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1150



    Description:
       Me and my father, we don't get along. At all. Let's just say we don't understand eachother.

    I guess that's just it; he wants a perfect stepford daughter and im not it.
    sorry i let you down dad.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe First Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You held me in your arms.
    The day I was first conceived,
    From my first steps,
    To the gifts received.

    I thought I would make you proud,
    Growing up, being so strong.
    I guess that’s all different,
    And I was so wrong.

    No matter the disappointment,
    Or the strife.
    I’m sorry to say this,
    But I’m a part of your life.

    I just seems that for me,
    Nothing I do is right.
    All we do is wake up,
    And from there we start a fight.

    Freaking for no reason,
    Screaming out, “What the heck!”
    Why can’t you be proud of me?
    Instead of think I’m a wreck.

    Please daddy will you listen,
    Just hear my call.
    I’m really so sorry,
    That I dropped the ball.

    I’ll pick it up as soon as I can,
    Right now isn’t the best time,
    But I’ll find a way,
    To make it all rhyme.

    I’m trying so hard to be,
    The daughter you want me to be.
    Though I can’t fight what I can’t see,
    Please, Dad, say you’re proud of me.




    Submitted on 2007-12-05 17:39:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I read this on myspace :[
    it made me sad.
    I think he Loves you but idk
    i think you guys are both complicated.
    I felt the same way with my mom when Brian came into the picture
    i still feel that way abt both of them
    I wanna be perfect.
    We cant.
    But i love you!
    and i really love this write
    your an amazing writer :]
    you flaw amazing :]
    | Posted on 2008-01-02 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know if you want general advice about your poem or the situation so I'll just take a shot and both and hope I don't make either worse. Your rhyme scheme is consistant and creative, there's a lot of feeling in every word but it would be more complete if you made it clear in here that your Dad has his shortcomings too. It would just add to the feeling if you acknowledge that neither of you finds the other perfect. Second, being the sole college student in my entire family, I know it's hard to get along or even communicate with people when you understand things so much better than they do just like you understand yourself better than he does. In the end, you'll probably have the life you want if you make the right choices and people can either accept that or not but if not, all they can really do is whine and even that wont hurt you if you become independent. Also do some research, I discovered in my late teens that I was emotionally abused most of my life and thats why my relationship with my parents was so full of grief. It's hard to identify and even harder to prove but it exists. Hope I made sense.
    | Posted on 2007-12-06 00:00:00 | by fate_s nemisis | [ Reply to This ]



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