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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: High Interest.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SlanderousLust
    ASL Info:    21/Q/Four inches from you
    Elite Ratio:    5.15 - 89/137/74
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 148
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1106



    Description:
       Play on words, a free flowing yet regimented poem. .Don't freaking comment on spelling or punctuation or I'll be forced to stab your eyes out with an unsharpened pencil. Thanks ^-^


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHigh Interest.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I ponder as I stroll:

    A glance through a window
    marked with the blatant signs
    has captured my attention
    left me reading between the lines.

    I see a shimmer there
    something I once had
    I see her through the window
    standing scantly clad.

    And I think too fast:

    I know I can't afford her,
    yet I once adored her,
    I even abhorred her
    I nearly restored her
    and she's standing on the border
    of sight and sound
    where I've found
    that pound for pound
    she's quite bound
    to confound me.

    So I slow my breathing and act:

    Hands to my pockets,
    I'll avoid eye contact.
    Consider this carefully,
    I'll shuffle my feet.
    Tell the salesman something,
    I'll try to talk him down.
    Mumble my words,
    I'll take my sweet time.

    And then I introvert:

    A loan on Love has high interest.








    Submitted on 2007-12-06 21:51:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Your description is fan-f*cking-tastic.

    But on to my comment...

    If there are any spelling or punctuation mistakes, I was too wrapped up in the words to notice them.

    It's a cute story... Kind of sad, but that's what I like.

    My favorite part would have to be:

    "I know I can't afford her,
    yet I once adored her,
    I even abhorred her
    I nearly restored her
    and she's standing on the border
    of sight and sound
    where I've found
    that pound for pound
    she's quite bound
    to confound me."

    Do you have any idea of how perfect that is?!? ...I guess so... but I feel the need to point it out.
    I love how you didn't just throw those words together because they rhymed (which many people do these days). You didn't stray from the point by only trying to make it sound good, you know?
    But it makes sense AND sounds pretty freaking awesome, so that's excellent.

    The last line, "A loan on Love has high interest" made me smile. I love it. Haha...Very clever... and true.

    Good stuff.
    It's one of the best I've read in a while.



    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]



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