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    dots Submission Name: Raindots

    Author: vampirefreak69
    Elite Ratio:    2.14 - 30/103/87
    Words: 237
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1225
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1508


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I'm sitting here waiting, a sound can't be found
    Except the rain splashing against the cold ground
    The silence is eerie, this feeling so new
    The feeling of longing and missing of you

    I'm freezing, it's so cold- watching rain fall
    A thought of warmth is that maybe you'll call
    Merely a doubt that is far from true
    That thought never crossed the mind of you

    I'm always there, shouldn't I receive the same?
    Tossing and turning over playing love's game
    I'm losing so badly, what am I to do?
    I can't expect the help that I once gave to you

    Is it so hard for you to show you're concerned?
    The love I gave you- can just some be returned?
    The feelings you proclaim are long past due
    It's time to pay up the fines you grew!

    My face is wet- from tears or rain?
    I don't know which is better to explain
    This pain that you continuously put me through
    It's like you're not the person I once knew

    The words you speak, the lies you say
    Are nothing but lost to my dismay
    A lost cause; pointless to pursue
    A love past it's date to renew

    So here I am, waiting for you to care
    To remember me and become suddenly aware
    Merely a thought that's far from true
    That thought never crossed the mind of you

    Submitted on 2007-12-06 23:30:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Damn! Why has no one taken the time to comment on this!?? 232 views and I'm the only one, I don't understand it...

    ...Anyway, I really like this. I think you got your message across. I liked the flow and I found it interesting to read.

    What I also liked was it wasn't just about rhyme and scan, it also contained imagery. I loved the lines "Except the rain splashing against the cold ground" and "I'm freezing- it's so cold watching rain fall".

    I think in line 10 "Tossing and turning and playing love's game" would've worked better though.

    However, that's a minor criticism. I thought this was excellent, really enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2008-11-07 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]

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