[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Raindots

    Author: vampirefreak69
    Elite Ratio:    2.14 - 30/103/87
    Words: 237
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1190
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1508


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I'm sitting here waiting, a sound can't be found
    Except the rain splashing against the cold ground
    The silence is eerie, this feeling so new
    The feeling of longing and missing of you

    I'm freezing, it's so cold- watching rain fall
    A thought of warmth is that maybe you'll call
    Merely a doubt that is far from true
    That thought never crossed the mind of you

    I'm always there, shouldn't I receive the same?
    Tossing and turning over playing love's game
    I'm losing so badly, what am I to do?
    I can't expect the help that I once gave to you

    Is it so hard for you to show you're concerned?
    The love I gave you- can just some be returned?
    The feelings you proclaim are long past due
    It's time to pay up the fines you grew!

    My face is wet- from tears or rain?
    I don't know which is better to explain
    This pain that you continuously put me through
    It's like you're not the person I once knew

    The words you speak, the lies you say
    Are nothing but lost to my dismay
    A lost cause; pointless to pursue
    A love past it's date to renew

    So here I am, waiting for you to care
    To remember me and become suddenly aware
    Merely a thought that's far from true
    That thought never crossed the mind of you

    Submitted on 2007-12-06 23:30:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Damn! Why has no one taken the time to comment on this!?? 232 views and I'm the only one, I don't understand it...

    ...Anyway, I really like this. I think you got your message across. I liked the flow and I found it interesting to read.

    What I also liked was it wasn't just about rhyme and scan, it also contained imagery. I loved the lines "Except the rain splashing against the cold ground" and "I'm freezing- it's so cold watching rain fall".

    I think in line 10 "Tossing and turning and playing love's game" would've worked better though.

    However, that's a minor criticism. I thought this was excellent, really enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2008-11-07 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Records I written by Raphael
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]