Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Are You Loathsome Tonight?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 323



    Description:
       ~the first draft of the nonSong of unLove~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAre You Loathsome Tonight?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have loved you-not at all
    I will love you-not again
    I caress your emptiness
    with nothing more
    and nothing less.

    I had hoped-but that is gone
    I once thought-I've no idea
    I will lay down next to death
    with nothing more
    and nothing less.




    Submitted on 2007-12-08 19:13:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, that was pretty cool. Short, but damn good. =]

    ~Phantom~
    | Posted on 2009-03-22 00:00:00 | by PhantomRose | [ Reply to This ]
      A story?
    Didnt it say in the description that this is a story?
    ~scroll~
    OK, story/misc.
    Well then, I'm glad I didnt miss this misc.
    I really enjoy the condensed poems more than the longwinded ones.

    This is a good one, I think.
    Lots said in few words...even with the repetition.
    Indecision or duality? I cant put my finger on what it is you're about in these few lines.
    But, reading this sparked in my mind, and I enjoyed that.
    Thanks.
    | Posted on 2007-12-10 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      I am loving the play on words here! It's absolutely gorgeous! Loathesome = Lonesome, brilliant!

    *cough* right. .

    Now to the piece itself,
    I love the self-contradiction here, it flows very well with the concept of love itself. Love is most probably the most self-contradictory concept or human emotion of all time. You can be utterly miserable and completely blissful while under it's effects at the same time. People who avoid it find it so easily and people who seek it find themselves in a drought of affection.

    My personal favorite line would have to be:

    --I once thought-I've no idea--

    This line in and of it self really brings insight into the reader's position. You can say that you've loved and lost a million times and have no impact, but this line in particular reached out and slapped me in the face with a freaking sledgehammer. It leads me to believe that you've discovered something to lead you to your current heartbroken state, which is for lack of a better word, Human.

    The only line that irks me just a tad is the third to last one.

    I will lay down next to death.

    It's predecessor, ""I caress your emptiness"", identifies with the lines that refer to nothing more and nothing less perfectly. Though the line in question simply lacks that, It only left me slightly disappointed, nothing to be too worried about.

    But if you ever revisited this piece I would totally suggest that you exchange it for something that identifies with the empty/nothing motif you've got going there.

    Great write

    8.5/10!

    -Christopher
    | Posted on 2007-12-09 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    154143

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Every..... written by jackz
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry