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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Are You Loathsome Tonight?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 613
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 323



    Description:
       ~the first draft of the nonSong of unLove~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAre You Loathsome Tonight?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have loved you-not at all
    I will love you-not again
    I caress your emptiness
    with nothing more
    and nothing less.

    I had hoped-but that is gone
    I once thought-I've no idea
    I will lay down next to death
    with nothing more
    and nothing less.




    Submitted on 2007-12-08 19:13:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, that was pretty cool. Short, but damn good. =]

    ~Phantom~
    | Posted on 2009-03-22 00:00:00 | by PhantomRose | [ Reply to This ]
      A story?
    Didnt it say in the description that this is a story?
    ~scroll~
    OK, story/misc.
    Well then, I'm glad I didnt miss this misc.
    I really enjoy the condensed poems more than the longwinded ones.

    This is a good one, I think.
    Lots said in few words...even with the repetition.
    Indecision or duality? I cant put my finger on what it is you're about in these few lines.
    But, reading this sparked in my mind, and I enjoyed that.
    Thanks.
    | Posted on 2007-12-10 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      I am loving the play on words here! It's absolutely gorgeous! Loathesome = Lonesome, brilliant!

    *cough* right. .

    Now to the piece itself,
    I love the self-contradiction here, it flows very well with the concept of love itself. Love is most probably the most self-contradictory concept or human emotion of all time. You can be utterly miserable and completely blissful while under it's effects at the same time. People who avoid it find it so easily and people who seek it find themselves in a drought of affection.

    My personal favorite line would have to be:

    --I once thought-I've no idea--

    This line in and of it self really brings insight into the reader's position. You can say that you've loved and lost a million times and have no impact, but this line in particular reached out and slapped me in the face with a freaking sledgehammer. It leads me to believe that you've discovered something to lead you to your current heartbroken state, which is for lack of a better word, Human.

    The only line that irks me just a tad is the third to last one.

    I will lay down next to death.

    It's predecessor, ""I caress your emptiness"", identifies with the lines that refer to nothing more and nothing less perfectly. Though the line in question simply lacks that, It only left me slightly disappointed, nothing to be too worried about.

    But if you ever revisited this piece I would totally suggest that you exchange it for something that identifies with the empty/nothing motif you've got going there.

    Great write

    8.5/10!

    -Christopher
    | Posted on 2007-12-09 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]


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