Description: incurable, and as deadly as the plague. my affection
Poisoned and perfect -------------------------------------------
poisoned and perfect
tragic and true
the sickness within me
will follow you too
the curse of my love
no substance can cure
poisoned and perfect
to those i adore
sweetened by snowflakes
protected in pain
hardened by heartache
returned through the rain
poisoned and perfect
these kisses of death
delicious and deadly
each passionate breath
That was really good, shooting star. I really enjoyed this poem. loved the lines "sweetened by snowflakes," and "protected in pain." Great Write though!
I also loved the line "sweetened by snowflakes" very original, and makes the reader almost imagine some kind of sugar frosted effect. I thought the rhyme and rhythm were close to perfect and have nothing to offer for changes. Your a bit darker style than I go for, but I have to say it is well done and attractive. Dave
very good poem dude. just two little things the line 'it's you i adore' sounds a little out of place. not sure if anyone agrees but it didnt sound right to me. and the other thing is that 'deep as a vein' thing anarius said about. it doesnt sound right. but other than those two little things it is very good work. keep them comeing
Very very nice! I love some of these lines like "sweetened by snowflakes", and "protected in pain." The only one i had a problem with was "as deep as a vein" it really seemed forced, cliché'd and out of place in the poem, too overused, and I think it takes away from the piece, I'd suggest an edit there, other than that though, good piece, and keep writing.
Submission Name: Poisoned and perfect
