I also loved the line "sweetened by snowflakes" very original, and makes the reader almost imagine some kind of sugar frosted effect. I thought the rhyme and rhythm were close to perfect and have nothing to offer for changes. Your a bit darker style than I go for, but I have to say it is well done and attractive. Dave
very good poem dude. just two little things the line 'it's you i adore' sounds a little out of place. not sure if anyone agrees but it didnt sound right to me. and the other thing is that 'deep as a vein' thing anarius said about. it doesnt sound right. but other than those two little things it is very good work. keep them comeing
Very very nice! I love some of these lines like "sweetened by snowflakes", and "protected in pain." The only one i had a problem with was "as deep as a vein" it really seemed forced, cliché'd and out of place in the poem, too overused, and I think it takes away from the piece, I'd suggest an edit there, other than that though, good piece, and keep writing.