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    dots Submission Name: Poisoned and perfectdots

    Author: shootingstar
    ASL Info:    22/f/hell
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 102/120/21
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 451

       incurable, and as deadly as the plague. my affection

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoisoned and perfectdots

    poisoned and perfect
    tragic and true
    the sickness within me
    will follow you too
    the curse of my love
    no substance can cure
    poisoned and perfect
    to those i adore

    sweetened by snowflakes
    protected in pain
    hardened by heartache
    returned through the rain
    poisoned and perfect
    these kisses of death
    delicious and deadly
    each passionate breath

    Submitted on 2004-06-25 09:51:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'd like to have an mp3 of this. x.x; It's really good. I love the way you write. You're like, one of my favourite authors now. :)!
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by Shuurinakisame | [ Reply to This ]
      That was really good, shooting star. I really enjoyed this poem. loved the lines "sweetened by snowflakes," and "protected in pain." Great Write though!
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by jlpurvis2001 | [ Reply to This ]
      I also loved the line "sweetened by snowflakes"
    very original, and makes the reader almost imagine some kind of sugar frosted effect. I thought the rhyme and rhythm were close to perfect and have nothing to offer for changes. Your a bit darker style than I go for, but I have to say it is well done and attractive.
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      very good poem dude. just two little things the line 'it's you i adore' sounds a little out of place. not sure if anyone agrees but it didnt sound right to me. and the other thing is that 'deep as a vein' thing anarius said about. it doesnt sound right. but other than those two little things it is very good work. keep them comeing
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      Very very nice! I love some of these lines like "sweetened by snowflakes", and "protected in pain." The only one i had a problem with was "as deep as a vein" it really seemed forced, cliché'd and out of place in the poem, too overused, and I think it takes away from the piece, I'd suggest an edit there, other than that though, good piece, and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]

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