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I pondered on the purchase,
she's such a sweetly deal.
She's such a timely bargain,
she's practically a steal.
I browsed about the fashions,
of Winter's love and lust.
Yet she's the one I want,
She's the only one I'd trust.
I offered them a wad of time,
to see how much they'd take.
But all of it was voided,
they knew that it was fake.
I haggled with the store clerk,
to try and drop the price,
But found I had got no leeway,
no Love that would suffice.
But the girl she's such a bargain,
For her I'd take a loan.
So then they checked my credit,
The outcome was unknown.
| that is kinda weird. I like how you put a spin on love, writeing it kinda in a posessive kinda way but not doing it so people get really mad, its kinda in a funny more intresting way. I think this is a very well writen poem.|
at the start tho its kinda posessive and mite turn people away because of that, but its just the way the poem is.
the connections you made between credit and money tipe things was very well done. keep up the good work.
|| Posted on 2007-12-10 00:00:00 | by Sereto_Uesugi | [ Reply to This ] || thats sort of....strange? its an interesting way to think about relationships i guess. you did a smooth job on your rhymes and flow. i kind of wonder who the store clerk would be.|
whoever you are, good luck
|| Posted on 2007-12-09 00:00:00 | by Saphire Twiligh | [ Reply to This ] |