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Credit History (A Loan on Love 2/5)

Author: SlanderousLust
ASL Info:    21/Q/Four inches from you
Elite Ratio:    5.15 - 89 /137 /74
Words: 231
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1461
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1576


Par two of five of the "Loan on Love Chronicles"

Credit History (A Loan on Love 2/5)

Click Click Click go the keystrokes.
Drag, Drag, Drag as I smoke.
Thump Thump Thump goes my heart
as the store clerk from the story reads old words.

No No No go my thoughts.
Buzz Beep Buzz goes the box.
"Hmm, oh dear." goes the store clerk
as the red light on the table comes to life.

"Oh Shit what?" go my words.
"You're a risk" goes the clerk.
Print Print Print goes the paper
as my tainted past rears it's ugly head.

Cheat Cheat Flirt! says the store clerk.
"Wait I was young!" I stand, berserk.
No no no says the paper
I try to plead so sweetly for my dirty deeds.

Fickle Fickle Boy reads the report.
Frown Frown Frown she retorts.
Well, Tearup, Cry go my eyes
as rejections flood my weary broken smile.

"Wait Wait Wait!" says the Bossman.
Swift keen facepalm goes my hand.
"He can pay" says the Owner,
"Over time and space and with a little oath."

"I'll take an oath", I recant.
"Good Great fine!" says the MAN.
"Just sign here." says the store clerk
as I jot my name upon the deadly line.

"here you go!" says the store clerk
Foolish or Fly I introvert
"Kay, all done!" says the owner
as the girl that I have purchased comes to me.

Submitted on 2007-12-09 15:11:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  the repeditive thing with the 'no no no' and 'click click click' thing is a bit of a turn off and turn away. I kept reading cause I read the first one and I liked it. but good work with connecting the credit thing with relation ships that was very good. just think about the repetive its a little annoying. I know there is a poetry style that is like that (I think there is any way) but to me its a turn away. others mite like it.

good work though you can feel your worrying and anticipation for the answer of the 'desk clerk' was very good and over all good write.
| Posted on 2007-12-10 00:00:00 | by Sereto_Uesugi | [ Reply to This ]

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