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Illogical Common Sense
5.64 - 40/47/33
No vote yet.
I'm not sure about this piece. It seems a bit clunky. So suggestions in that regard are most welcome.
As for catching my drift, well it's about a few things I've been thinking about the past few weeks. To do with people being so darned illogical, and me being probably a bit too logical sometimes.
Illogical Common Sense
This is me
Trying to apply logic
To life in the sun
Wish me luck
Dreaming is one way
To ignore a bad day
The future never looked brighter
Because it makes sense
To watch a shadow creep for three hours
In the little things we find our powers
Changing styles take their toll
With drawn out smiles
All in constant states of flux
It makes sense
To build castles in the sand
To say this is where you stand
I hate how you hide your eyes
Behind sunny days and Bulgari
Because I love looking at your soul
And it makes sense
To stare at the sun
As everything becomes one
Logic is sometimes hard to grasp
Othertimes I have to ask
If you realise just what you're saying
Submitted on 2007-12-09 17:21:02
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2: I dunno...
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||| Comments |||
Logic. I've never really been a fan.
There's a random edge to it. You say its something you've been 'thinking about' which the poem very much reflets. It has a feeling of someone's thoughts [if that makes sense...]
Hated how you switched from vague to direct with the 'you's part way through. I dunno. Before it had this thoughtful, impersonal tone that seemed almost dream like.
I dunno if its just me but the title was a little misleading. I thought this would be a more snappy, rhythmatic poem that was comedic and quirky.
Can't say this is great. It's GOOD but not great. I mean I'll forget about it in five minutes. Maybe with future things you could think about more impacting stuff that will play on people's minds.
Hope I've been helpful and keep writing!
| Posted on 2007-12-10 00:00:00 | by
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January 10 07
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