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    dots Submission Name: Illogical Common Sensedots

    Author: Keiran
    ASL Info:    20/M/NZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 40/47/33
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 920

       I'm not sure about this piece. It seems a bit clunky. So suggestions in that regard are most welcome.

    As for catching my drift, well it's about a few things I've been thinking about the past few weeks. To do with people being so darned illogical, and me being probably a bit too logical sometimes.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIllogical Common Sensedots

    This is me
    Trying to apply logic
    To life in the sun
    Wish me luck

    Dreaming is one way
    To ignore a bad day
    The future never looked brighter

    Because it makes sense
    To watch a shadow creep for three hours
    In the little things we find our powers

    Changing styles take their toll
    With drawn out smiles
    All in constant states of flux

    It makes sense
    To build castles in the sand
    To say this is where you stand

    I hate how you hide your eyes
    Behind sunny days and Bulgari
    Because I love looking at your soul

    And it makes sense
    To stare at the sun
    As everything becomes one

    Logic is sometimes hard to grasp
    Othertimes I have to ask
    If you realise just what you're saying

    Submitted on 2007-12-09 17:21:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Logic. I've never really been a fan.

    There's a random edge to it. You say its something you've been 'thinking about' which the poem very much reflets. It has a feeling of someone's thoughts [if that makes sense...]

    Hated how you switched from vague to direct with the 'you's part way through. I dunno. Before it had this thoughtful, impersonal tone that seemed almost dream like.

    I dunno if its just me but the title was a little misleading. I thought this would be a more snappy, rhythmatic poem that was comedic and quirky.

    Can't say this is great. It's GOOD but not great. I mean I'll forget about it in five minutes. Maybe with future things you could think about more impacting stuff that will play on people's minds.

    Hope I've been helpful and keep writing!
    | Posted on 2007-12-10 00:00:00 | by AteMyBackpack | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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