I have problems,
heh, what a funny opening line.
If I were reading this and someone else had written it I'd have closed the window by now.
Seriously, I have problems though.
I seek destructive relationships. I see that I do but I lie to myself just long enough for me to get attached. It's like I crave pain.
I think It goes back to my father, I once heard that if a child has an abusive parent while growing up that they'll eventually seek out those same behaviors.
I'm a living testament to that theory. I'm an emotional-masochist.
I often wonder what I can do, who to turn to.
Hardly anyone can grasp the severity of my self-loathing and despicable nature.
They nod and smile, "I understand how you feel"
"I've been there"
"You'll be alright, it's all in your head"
Well now, right here, in this dinky little freewrite, I'll strike back.
First off, you don't fucking understand me. You have no fucking idea who I am, so shut the fuck up.
Yes I know she manipulated me -I- -fucking- -wanted- -it-. deep within my subconscious it fulfilled me, it fueled me, it sustained me.
Second, to you little sluts out there (Hayley, Laura, Ashley, Kim, Teal, Nikki, and that one chick whose name I can't remember)
Two words, Fuck off. . .
You think you won? lmao! seriously, you think you came out on top? well let me clue you all in on something. I sought you out not because you were pretty or funny or smart. In fact some of you were none of the above.
I sought you out to hurt myself, I told you I loved you and let myself believe it because my subconscious knew that it would bring about more pain in the end.
So, dating me was an insult! In order to qualify for my love you'd have to be a sick narcissistic whore (literally) who fucks every guy in sight.
And allow me to congratulate you on your successes as my tools of self-destruction. You really all outdid yourselves!
But sadly, all good things must come to an end. I believe I've had enough self destruction for one lifetime. So it's no more sluts for me!
| i'm an american girl.|
just a thought.
|| Posted on 2007-12-15 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ] || Wow. I can honestly say I've never read anything quite like that. I wholeheartedly enjoyed it.|
The f*cked up, sarcastic humor you threw in there is perfect... It's nice to know I'm not the only person who thinks that way.
"heh, what a funny opening line.
If I were reading this and someone else had written it I'd have closed the window by now."
Haha Normally, I would too, but those lines made me appreciate the first one, and I wanted to know more about it.
Sorry I have no advice though. I've never been there and have never had those "problems."
I hate girls (yes, I know I am one).
"I'm an emotional-masochist."
That's sad, but the way you said it sounds really pretty. You have a lovely way with words.
Which reminds me... Didn't you used to have a lot more stuff on here? Things that were beautifully haunting and creepy? Maybe I'm thinking of someone else, but I'm pretty sure it was you. (For some reason, I remember blood.).
Ohhh I don't know.
I like this.
Good luck staying away from the sluts.
They're everywhere, so it may be a challenge.
|| Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ] || The creativity of such a well thought out piece of emotion and inspiration is quite breathtaking.|
No I'm not taking the mick...well, maybe a little. Please excuse me and my pathetic humour. (If any offense is taken I garentee any angry reply will lead to me cowering under a table for a few days)
Nope, I don't understand you or your situation at all but you asked for advice and here's your 'tad' of it. Its up to you what you do. If you want to continue with what you're doing then fine. Just think about it. Decide who you want to be, how you want to be and consider whether giving in to your need for self hurt is effecting that.
Remember its never too late to ask for help. You can always change. Its your life live it. But remember to live it well.
No one to turn to? You never know, you may be surprised.
(One last irrelevant note; Its good to see someone shares a slice of my oh-so wacky humour.)
|| Posted on 2007-12-10 00:00:00 | by AteMyBackpack | [ Reply to This ] |