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Author: owlman23
ASL Info:    29/m/al
Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 71 /75 /28
Words: 242
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 991
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1158



Description:




Out



I went out for a stroll today, such a long, long time it has been. I met an old friend along the way, though not one I'll meet again. As I passed the rippling stream I noticed his shadow there, his haunted eyes, and ghost pale face moist with spray from the falls. He stared at me as though he saw no one there at all. Quite desperate did he seem, so over to him I trod, though at my approach I heard him speak as though he spoke to God. “This thing I do will damn me true, though still I beseech Thee. Forgive me if there’s room up there for such a pitiful soul as mine. Look past this deed that now I do for following I’ll heed death’s call.” Then as he leapt, our gazes met and there myself I saw.

A flash of light then caught my eye, the sunshine on the water, but directly below my eyes find the rocks, as long and sharp as daggers. As the mists touch my face my eyes snap open and see my own reflection. Haggard, worn, and weary I cry out at my indiscretion. Instead I drop the wicked rocks to turn off the rushing water. He must have heard, that friend of mine, to forgive me the things I ponder.




Submitted on 2007-12-11 00:09:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This speaks so much in the language of undertones. Actually, from most angles, I feel that it is hitting too much to be coherent.

See the thing is, this piece presents a level of vagueness. Now, while that vagueness does let the imagination run wild and gives a lot of power to the reader, too much of it will forbids you from stirring them to the direction that your creativity wishes to encase them. It gets them lost in a flurry of thoughts.

It has too many unresolved issues for its premise (and this is coming from someone who has made a career out of using unresolved issues.) To me, and this could simply be a matter of personal taste, it needs a few more details.

But then again, it's not entirely untoucheable.

To me (and I could definately be wrong) this piece speaks of how people affect each other in such profound levels. It speaks of how our mind wonders through the simplest of actions coming from other people and how those movements get derailed by reactions that are just as subtle. And we hardly ever need words once we get caught in the same wave length. We just rely on the manner by which the Universe has shaped us; instincts if you will. And really, that thing is a thing of beauty; the connection of each living thing.

It sort of reminds me of the film "Babel."

Anyway... goodluck with this one.
| Posted on 2007-12-11 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
  I know not whether this is just a good write or a real experience. If real,I'm glad your guardian angel could persuade you into sensibility. We all have our trying times, but must not ever forget that the God of us all allows no burden heavier than we can stand.
| Posted on 2007-12-11 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]


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