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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: no good in beddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freeradical
    ASL Info:    22/feline/london
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 311/405/63
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 1301
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 970



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsno good in beddots
    -------------------------------------------


    shimmy shimmy the skirt off my hips.

    this is the beat, two simple steps.

    in. out.

    squish. squish.

    repeat.

    think you can handle it?
    you break it-
    you bought it (dinner).

    don't be an imbecile,
    it turns me off and we both know how badly
    you want me on

    top.

    let's not make it anything it's not.

    you're naked, and strange.
    i'm unclothed and waiting.

    we slam our bodies together,
    hoping that maybe it will cause a reaction
    but you did not set up the
    experiment correctly.

    fucked up the hypothesis.

    all in all,
    i think i prefer myself as i am
    to the sex bomb
    you make me.

    exploding is difficult when the fuse isn't lit.

    shimmy shimmy the skirt off my hips.




    Submitted on 2007-12-12 00:39:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      you have a way of making sex a woman's weapon (no matter how it actually turns out for her in the piece itself) and a mirror that can't lie. what i love about your work is how honest the pain and the realistic realizations are; how nothing is done with a shrug and an apology for the way the chips fall.

    what i really want to stew about/gush over is how formatting is always a hit or miss with me, but with you it's a well tuned instinct and every bit of this is exactly as it should be, perfectly expressing your sentiments and highlighting with brain pictures and punctuation as words cannot.

    i want to hug you and rant about boys masquerading as men and hug you again for the awfulness that awaits a girl who feels too much and too deeply to settle for less than a gorgeous mistake waiting to happen in a sexy tight blue shirt, and the inevitable scar tissue that makes us better at what we do, what we turn to in search of solace. viscious cycle or just a way of doing things to make every drop of blood, sweat and tears more authentic to an audience positively catatonic and numb in comparison?

    gorgeous girl, never stop creating, but i hope we both can find a better methodology. *hugs* thanks for sharing.

    grace
    | Posted on 2008-03-13 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha...between the poem and the comments...

    I suppose I will just say sometimes I think men are just flat out primal and clueless at times.

    It just surprises me that most guys don't pick up on the subtle inuendoes of body language. Either they just don't get it or they just flat out don't care.

    And the sex bomb line....
    I can so relate.

    But then again, quickies have their purpose, athough it takes a mood...
    | Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      This is amazing. I laughed and I related. I love the play on words that you have in this piece, it's well done and concurrently adds a lot to the meaning behind it.

    "don't be an imbecile,
    it turns me off and we both know how badly
    you want me on

    top."

    that was my favorite. It just showed off your ability to be amazing.

    the "squish squish" part made me cringe out a smile. I loved it. actually, all of it.

    Kudos. extreme kudos.

    -Sandi
    | Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]
      It really takes a lot of skill to make exposed claws poetic. And you, by my estimation, you have done just that.

    I think sex stops becoming "sex" when it becomes a chore; when you have to sabertooth yourself from being a kitten just to make the caveman happy (regardless of how many offhand curves, lumps or fat veins his cock has.) What's even worse is when it becomes too much of a fixed thing... like when the number of thrusts becomes a fixed variable.

    But anyway...

    What I like about this piece is the construction. It comes across as a jaded "oh-not-again" piece with a strong shade of wicked wisdom.

    But what's more important is how you gave the ice queen-ish persona of this piece a strong sense of bitterness that can only come from someone who has a heart. I think that it takes a sophisticated play of words and concepts to achieve that.

    Good job.

    | Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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