Horrific Euphoria by LongPastDead

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Submission Name: Horrific Euphoria dots

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Author:	LongPastDead
Elite Ratio:	6.68 - 34/64/29
Words:	93

Class/Type:	Poetry/Venting
Total Views:	133
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	854

Description:
I honestly don't care what you think...

Horrific Euphoria dots

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A dark heart sorrowfully breaks

Tears curse a cracked face

Darkness riddles an insane mind

Fingers search for something to find

Eyelids flutter over blood cursed eyes

Razors yearn to cut out the lies

Fear quivers across wet lips

Skin crawls at the thought of that kiss

Nails tear apart at the seam

Lungs push out such terrible screams

NO

Submitted on 2007-12-12 02:02:31 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
This poem was much much more direct with its meaning than the other one I commented, though its form is much simpler as well. At first I thought I was reading the classic emo/cutter poem, and maybe I was, why should that matter? But, I noticed your use of slant rhyme or half rhyme and it helps link your lines together without seeming to overbearing. The thing I liked most about this, wasn't you choice of words, or the deathly dark imagery, it was the very end of the poem. You are talking about falling, cutting, etc. Then you take a stand at the end, and stop yourself from falling back into your personal darkness with NO. Its the only difference I see between this and other poems of its nature.... but thats in no way a bad thing. Because you seem to end it on a more optimistic note, or at the very least a hopeful one, im not left with that sorrowfully sour taste in my mouth after reading it.... and thats truly great.
| Posted on 2008-07-12 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
Your rhyme set up on this piece is done with a flow seldom seen. While the lack of punctuation in places where a person would normally do so brings the mind into focus on such parts. "A dark heart() sorrowly breaks" seems to be one such place. Your syntax during this piece is wonderous as such. While the semantic value seems one dimensional, it is powerful. You might not care what I think, honestly, but you posted. This is a well thought out angst pieces which seems to be build from seperately concieved lines/verses. ending on the word NO capitalized as such seems to be the only reference to a person outside the subject you seem to make. It could be an order given but with the rest of the piece it seems more to be a plee. In a piece so wrought with such forte emotions, you seem to find resonance. I personally like this piece very much. Thank you for posting. And I don't hope you develop a care for you work in the light f others only after you have found a concrete light of it in yourself.

Yours Truly,
Argos
| Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Aruemos | [ Reply to This ]

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