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    dots Submission Name: Shadows on the Streetdots

    Author: marigold
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 182/203/89
    Words: 226
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1011
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1561


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    dotsShadows on the Streetdots

    My feet walked on with stumbling haste
    the houses by the street sped by,
    and yet the fog that kissed the night
    clung to the air, uncanny still.

    The wind was shocked to be so warm
    the street lamps winked and sputtered low,
    the heavy mist unfurled itself
    and whispered to the drizzling rain.

    The faintest snatches of a song
    fell though the dizzy young night's cracks,
    a song lisped by the thinnest pipes
    of some far phantom organ cold.

    The notes were those that bind all forms
    and tell the huddled, lifeless stones
    the words that some unseeing hand
    scratched softly on the languid snow.

    The night inclined her head and asked
    the fog that snaked about the streets,
    "your dreaming shadow-hair falls on
    my jeweled hall ephemeral,

    what brings you here my flitting friend?"
    the fog rolled out his words like smoke
    that puffs and twirls and disappears.
    "you see, fair night, I saw two eyes,

    two eyes so huge, so bright, so close,
    that everyone then wished to stamp,
    to stamp them out, and so they screamed
    "oh close the the large eyes, cover them!"

    "I laughed at them, but still they shrieked
    in chorus thund'rous as a swelling tide,
    "obliterate the glowing eyes,
    extinguish them so they burn not!"

    Submitted on 2007-12-12 13:53:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Really quite an excellent poem in every regard! The scansion is nearly perfect (in the 2nd line of final stanza it falters, which you can fix easily...and in the stanza before it you have "the" written twice.) But overall a hypnotic, dreamlike poem full of the poignant and bittersweet. Brilliantly executed! I loved it! bravo... bravo .... bravo ....
    | Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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